The Blog of The Union Address

It's Never Been About Anything Else

2011-05-28T22:09:00.000-05:00

My son walked in as I was watching the news the other day, and he asked me, "So, now that bin Laden is dead, does that mean the War on Terror is over?" I shook my head, "no," and said, "bin Laden was just one man. We didn't cut the head off of a snake, we just cut one off of a hydra." He gave a quick nod of understanding, then said, with an annoyed sort of confusion, "why do they want to kill us, anyway?" Well, I could have given him the old George Bush line, they're jealous, they hate our freedom, blah blah blah...but that isn't it, not truly. No, it's because we support Israel. Groups like al Qaeda launch attacks on Americans because they think if they kill enough Americans, America will change its' policies in the Middle East, that we will forsake the only democratic nation and our only real friend in the region, Israel. To put it bluntly, they hate Jews. There will never be any successful peace talks between the Israelis and the Palestinians because the Palestinians do not now, nor will they ever recognize Israel's right to exist. Up until 1948, the land that is now Israel was under British rule. When Israel declared itself an independent nation in may of that year, the were attacked the very next day by a total of four different nations- Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, and Iraq. Yemen would have attacked, but I'm pretty sure they didn't have an army. That ought to tell you something. In fact, everywhere from the streets of Hell's Kitchen in New York to the Warsaw ghetto in Poland, everywhere Jews have tried to live in peace, they are persecuted, blamed, threatened, and killed. They were enslaved by Egypt. They were thrown out of Spain. They were murdered by the millions in Germany and across Europe. Why? Because they are Jews. Palestinians and other Arab Muslims will tell you that America and Great Britain have been interfering in Middle Eastern affairs for far too long. What that really means is, "throw the Jews under the bus and we'll stop flying planes into your buildings." It doesn't matter how much land Israel gives up, or what any President of the United States says. The Arab Muslim world will not tolerate a Jewish state, and any friend of Israel is their enemy. It's not about oil. It's not about American Imperialism. America has been a shield and protector of Israel just like the archangel Michael. They hate us for that. It really is that simple. "Why should we care," you ask? Why not just mind our own business? Well, what kind of friend are you? Do you stand up for your friends? Do you defend people who are weaker than you when you see them being shoved around by a bully? If someone threatened to beat your friend to death, would you step in and help them? Would you watch as your neighbor was dragged from his home and shoved to the ground and kicked, as long as you thought you were safe? And who moves in when your neighbor is gone? Someone who beats his wife because she tried to drive the car, or read a book, or because her bare ankles were exposed for a brief moment in public? None of your business, right? You're a good German. Not me. I stand with Israel. I've been criticized here because I "oversimplify." No, I don't. I break things down to their most basic components. What is golf? Hit the ball with a stick until it goes in the hole. That's how I see things. I guess I'm simple, but that's the path to truth. It's all about Israel. It's never been about anything else.

Bigmouth Strikes Again

2011-05-06T21:04:00.000-05:00

This is becoming an epidemic. It looks like the sickness has now spread to professional athletes. That's right, Rashard Mendenhall of the Pittsburgh Steelers has DCS...Dixie Chicks Syndrome. While most Americans were expressing relief and joy that Osama bin Laden had been brought to justice (read: assassinated), Mendenhall posted this on Twitter- “What kind of person celebrates death? It’s amazing how people hate a man they never even heard speak. We’ve only heard one side.” Actually, Rashard, we have heard him speak. He put out enough video, didn't he? I got the message loud and clear. Mendenhall also tweeted this gem- “We’ll never know what really happened. I just have a hard time believing a plane could take down a skyscraper demolition style.” Given the live footage of the planes hitting the Twin Towers and the cell phone calls from the planes, I'd say we have a good idea what happened. And yes, Lefty, fire can melt steel. That's actually how it's made. Well, everyone has a right to their opinion and to speak it openly...but everyone else has the right to think you're a jerk. So, in keeping with that last part, Champion Apparel fired Mendenhall and released a statement of their own- "Champion is a strong supporter of the government's efforts to fight terrorism and is very appreciative of the dedication and commitment of the U.S. Armed Forces." They then went on to say that Mendenhall is a great athlete, and they liked him well enough before he popped off with that crap, but he's fired. Wish ya luck, buddy. Now, I know what you're thinking. "What's the matter with you, Mr. Johnson, how can you defend free speech and Champion's decision at the same time, you puss-filled boil of a republinazi?" First, wash your mouth out with soap, Lefty, then clean out your ears. I am a defender of free speech, but I'm also a defender of market forces. Just like the Dixie Chicks, Mendenhall has a right to speak his mind, but people have a right to not give them their money, too, whether in the form of concert ticket sales or merchandising endorsement deals. You can go scream at the top of your lungs that you don't believe in the moonlanding, post any crazy crap about Kennedy's assassination that you want on Facebook...but your boss can fire you if he thinks you're making the company look bad. Now- at it's core, some of what Mendenhall said is fair. We shouldn't rejoice in death. But I'll be damned if some pro ball dingus is going to make me feel bad that bin Laden's obituary made me smile. I'm just not wired that way. I've also seen this floating around in the comments section of news articles and on Facebook- "I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."~Martin Luther King Jr. Guess where that quote really comes from? Facebook. So give it a rest. Even Dr. King would have to agree that getting rid of a murderous beast like bin Laden is cause for joy. You can find the scoop on that here: http://thedailywh.at/2011/05/03/follow-up-of-the-day-fake-mlk-quote-origin-found-on-facebook/ But getting back to poor Rashard...Yes, you have the right to free speech. No, that right doesn't guarantee you won't get fired. Understood? I wish these celebrities would have taken this advice when it was given to the Dixie Chicks...but what can you say? I hope he wasn't wearing his cleats when he put his foot in his mouth.
Read more here: http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2011/05/03/mendenhalls-tweets-stir-up-controversy/
and here:
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Apparel-company-dumps-Mendenhall-over-bin-Laden-?urn=nfl-wp1880

Also- I just have to share this...some guy actually referred to him as Retard Bendandfall. I just thought that was funny. Steelers fans probably hate that, though. Oh, well.

Peeping Aaron

2011-05-03T19:01:00.000-05:00

And You Were Worried About Big Brother. The national rental chain Aaron's is being sued for spying on its' customers by using software installed on their rent-to-own computers without their knowledge. The software, PC Rental Agent, is installed on the computers as a way to track the store's property and to act as a "kill switch" in case a person doesn't pay, but according to at least one Wyoming couple, it's also been used to secretly activate their laptop's webcam and even log keystrokes. The couple, Brian and Crystal Byrd, discovered this when an Aaron's manager came pounding on their door to repossess their Dell Inspiron with a photo of Brian using the computer taken with the built in webcam as "proof" that he'd been using it. As it turns out, the Byrds had already paid for the laptop, a month early, in fact, but Aaron's goofed when they recorded the transaction. Even if they had missed a payment, though, can a company just peek in on you whenever they want? As a computer technician, I've seen this software at work. It does just what it says- if you miss a scheduled payment, your computer is locked down, and the only way to access it is to call Aaron's and get a special (and very lengthy) code, not once, but twice. I've also seen a lot of spyware. That's 99% of my business. From a privacy standpoint, I'd say "alarming" is a mild word. Naturally, the Byrds were worried that someone from Aaron's had taken webcam pictures of Crystal or their daughter as they were coming out of the shower, or getting dressed. It's not the kind of thing a person wants to find on YouTube. What if Aaron's staff had taken pictures, then saved them to a flash drive and taken them home with them? First, they called the police, who confirmed the computer has spyware installed on it, then they called a lawyer. Now I know what you might be saying. "Really, Mr. Johnson, you're such an alarmist! This was one case! And besides, doesn't Aaron's have a right to protect their property until the renter pays in full?" Sure. But that doesn't mean that my landlord can install a camera in my shower to make sure we aren't tearing the house apart. I think people have a right to protect their investment, but I also think people who rent from Aaron's have a right to know that their privacy is being invaded. And what else could be compromised? Sony Entertainment can't protect your information, Apple is tracking your whereabouts, and Aaron's is watching you while you sleep...or worse! People have their identities stolen everyday and their bank accounts drained...a rogue application takes over your computer and holds it for ransom until you pay $49.95 for a bogus antivirus program. All of this goes on while you post on Facebook that you're not home, not even in town,, or that you just dropped the kids off at soccer practice. In today's digital world, I'm worrying less and less about big brother...Aaron's and the like are creepy enough.
Read about it here:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1383216/Rental-chain-Aarons-caught-spying-customers-home-taking-webcam-photos.html
I stole the picture from
http://chris.pirillo.com/do-you-spy-on-your-children/

Disgusting Bug Squashed By Team of Seals

2011-05-02T19:48:00.001-05:00

I read this weekend that Superman renounced his U.S. citizenship, and I was going to write about that, but who needs him when we've got the U.S. Navy SEALS? Let the Man of Steel stand in silent protest in Tehran. Today, I'm celebrating real men of action. And yes, Lefty, I'm celebrating the death of Osama bin Laden. I know what you're going to say. "That's not a very christian attitude, Mr. Johnson! You shouldn't be celebrating the death of another person, you filth-mongering jackhole!" Well, that's just it, Lefty, I'm celebrating the death of a cockroach, a disgusting waste of oxygen that spread garbage and hate and death. Yeah. I'm not sad he's dead. And this is really going to knock your socks off, Lefty, I'm going to congratulate the president, Barack Obama, for a job well done...this time. Now, I know that this is not going to stop al qaeda. I know they are still plotting to murder as many of us as they can, and I promise you, every time I see a plane in the air, I'm going to wonder. As mad as they probably are right now that we cratered his face with bullets, then dumped his sad corpse off an aircraft carrier into the ocean, I hope they get the message. You can run. You can even hide. But we will find you, and you will die. Thanks to the interrogators at Guantanemo Bay, thanks to SEAL Team 6, thanks to some great intelligence gathering, and, yes, thanks to the president, the world is rid of an evil man who revelled in mass-death in the guise of religious devotion. Now...I have some questions. First, I've heard it said before that the intelligence community knew he wasn't hiding in a cave in Afghanistan, but in a comfortable compound in Pakistan. That was two years ago. What took so long? Why didn't we act on this intelligence sooner? Second, Why did we go out of our way to let everyone know we handled his body so carefully and followed the Muslim burial traditions, cleansing his corpse and giving him a service, then dump his body in the ocean? Some have said we don't want to antagonize moderate Muslims by desecrating his corpse, but since he wasn't killed at sea, his being buried at sea is seen as an insult anyway. I get that we don't want a martyr's grave for terrorists to visit. I get that we are not at war with the entire religion of Islam. I'm just wondering, because I'm betting every sailor on that carrier at least had the urge to pee on the white sheet they wrapped him in and shove some bacon in his boxer shorts before the commander said, "heave-ho." Anyway, I hope this gives the victim of September 11th, 2001 and their families some feeling that justice has been done. I, for one, am glad he's dead. I know we're supposed to live up to our higher ideals, but hey...don't we have Superman for that?
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/03/us-binladen-victims-idUSTRE7416LP20110503

UPDATE! 5.MAY.2011

If the information in the link below is accurate, then my congratulations and thanks to the president are officially rescinded.

http://socyberty.com/issues/white-house-insider-obama-hesitated-panetta-issued-order-to-kill-osama-bin-laden/

Made in America: Back to Reality

2011-04-27T21:36:00.000-05:00

Finally, after three years of speculation and conspiracy theories, President Obama has released his "long form" birth certificate. Every website had a "Holy Crap!" banner accross the top of it this morning, and every radio station cut off your favorite song with BREAKING NEWS! So now, assuming, of course, that you went on line and looked at the PDF that proves Obama is, indeed, eligible to be president, you are satisfied. You have put your tinfoil hat back in it's place under your bed and are at last coming to terms with the fact that this is not some dastardly plot put together by time-travelling, communist muslim terrorists. NO? Of course not! That's because you suffer from the same mania as Democrats who voted for Algore in the election of 2000! You suffer from BODS (Barack Obama Derangement Syndrome), and nothing will stop you from your crusade to win an election that happened three and a half years ago. I know what some of you are saying. "Well, finally you're starting to sound rational, Mr. Johnson! There may be hope for you yet!" Not so fast, Leftie. I'm still not a fan of the president, and I still have a few questions. All I'm saying is that Barack Derangement Syndrome is no better than Bush Derangement Syndrome. After the elections of 2000, there were people all jazzed up because they said Bush stole the election, that dead people voted, that Algore was the legitimate winner. There are piles of you that still say those things, and Bush has been gone for three years, now. Let's let it go, shall we? Obama is a natural born American citizen. Made in America. 2008 is history. He won. I still have plenty of reasons to think he's been a lousy president. I don't need the tinfoil hat. I could go on about Libya, about his response to the protests in Iran, how he has bowed bofore world leaders, or how Michelle goes around the world like Eva Peron while our economy is in a shambles....I could talk about the budget debate, or his "endless summer" vacations....I could bring up his energy policy, or I could even talk about his never-ending campaign for re-election. The president said it best at his press conference today, though. We've had way too many distractions. We have serious challenges ahead of us. Today, the president let us know that we don't have time for foolish distractions...then he jetted off to Chicago for an interview with Oprah. So, let's just forget all about all of this "birther" nonsense and get back to the people's business, shall we? Let's not concern ourselves with sideshows and who got "Trumped." Made in America, or not, our business should be about finding a suitable candidate to DEFEAT Obama and getting our country back on track so that, maybe, someday, the things you buy at the store can also proudly claim to be Made in America.

Washington for Dummies

2011-04-26T20:07:00.002-05:00

High school and college were a long time ago for some of us, and we don't always have a text book or encyclopedia handy. That's why it's aggravating when I get into a discussion with someone about history or politics and they demand that I site my references as if I were writing an essay for a grade instead of just running my mouth because I'm angry about the price of gasoline. "Remember what Washington said about foreign entanglements in his farewell address," they'll say, and I'll admit, I suddenly feel very small as I respond with, "um...he didn't like them?" Those little nuggets people pull out always make them seem smart and well read, but to be honest, I don't see how anyone could remember even a sentence from that little piece of history. Seriously, it is, as Washington would say, "arduous in it's admonished vicissitudes." Maybe not. I don't actually know if those words even fit together. But you get the idea. I always thought Generals were these gruff, monosyllabic types that said what they meant and meant what they said, even 200 years ago. I think the next time some windbag pops off with something like that, I'm going to say, "no, what did Washington say about that? Care to expand on it? Please list your sources." But first, I'm going to try to figure out just what the hell the Father of Our Country was trying to lecture us about. That's right, it's time to "dumb down" Washington's Farewell Address from 1796.
Friends and Citizens:
We're not too far off from another election, so I figured this would be a good time to let you know I don't want the job anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's not because I don't like you, or the country. Honestly, I wanted to retire four years ago and go back to being a farmer, but I really didn't trust France, England, or Spain to leave us alone, so I figured I kind of had to take the job. I've got to be honest, here, this job's pretty hard, and some days I just didn't feel up to it...some of you probably didn't think so, either, but anyway, the longer I do this, the better retirement sounds! Personally, I don't think that means I'm not a patriot. Getting to be president was pretty awesome, even when things were rough, and I just want to thank all of you for supporting me. I love all of you guys, and I'll take your love and support with me to the grave. One of these days, other countries who haven't figured out yet what a good thing we have here will be cheering the same ideals. I ought to shut up now, but I can't. See, I've been thinking a lot about the future, and I have some things I need to get off my chest. First off, we're not a bunch of separate colonies anymore, we're a united America, and that's a big deal, so don't let anybody, inside or outside the country, try to tear you apart. Be proud of the union, and protect it like a jealous husband. North, South, East, West, you all have your strengths, but you need each other. Remember, no matter what, you are Americans first. Some people think this is just a dumb experiment that's doomed to fail, but so what? We've got to try, right? So don't trust anybody who says we ought to break up the union. We ratified two treaties, one with Spain and one with England, regarding access to the Mississippi, and it's really pretty awesome for you people out west. Why would you want to go against the country that put that together for you when you know on your own Spain or England would just gobble you up and make the rest of us weaker? Look, we all got together and put together a constitution. It's a good one, too, way better than the articles of confederation (which was pretty lousy, by the way). It's the law now, and I think we should all stand by it. It makes us all stronger, together. Now, I know political parties are going to pop up, and they may even serve some good, at least for the people who are in them. But once you build these political machines, ambitious people are going to start driving them, so be careful. Some people or groups will want to reinvent the wheel. They'll tell you they're changing our constitution to improve it. Just keep in mind that those improvements could undo everything we fought for. Really, I don't even like political parties...they're usually driven by a thirst for revenge, power, or both, and I think parties are a real threat to liberty. Amendments to the constitution are okay, but remember this- religion and morality are the strongest pillars of our political strength. Now about money. Don't abuse our Federal credit. We need to have money to support a standing army, and to pay our debts, and stuff like that, so we need to have money to pay them, and that means taxes. But taxes ought to be fair. Also, we ought to at least try to be friends with all the other nations. Yes, even England. We shouldn't be partial to one over another. Our real goal, here, is freedom and peace. Getting too much involved with other countries is going to distract us from that goal, because one way or another, we'll end up in war with people we otherwise wouldn't care very much about. We don't want to get dragged into a war because we sympathize with one nation more than another and make excuses about how we thought it was justified. At the best, it's unfair, and at the worst, it could make us a satellite of a more powerful nation or entity. Basically, Europe has it's own problems, and that's not our problem. We can trade with them, sure, but we shouldn't get tied into a bunch of alliances with any of them...we ought to just try to mind our own business. Unless, of course, in our own defense, we make a temporary alliance. That's okay, I guess. Now, there's still a lot going on in Europe right now, but I think (and I think you agree with me, since your representatives in Congress approved my plan) we ought to remain neutral. Anyway, I've been thinking about my time as president, and I honestly can't think of anything I did wrong on purpose, but I'm not perfect. So, if I screwed up in anyway, I hope God will forgive me, and I hope the rest of you don't remember my screw ups for too long. Now, I'm going to retire, and hopefully I can reap the rewards of freedom that come with this great country we created. -George Washington.

Was that a classy guy, or what? And a lot of what he said is good advice! Some of it...ooops. Too late. Well, anyway, that's our first president's last goodbye and his parting words of advice to a fledgling nation. Now, you know, even though I like to think of myself as a writer, my words can't compare to what Washington actually wrote. In fact, after reading this, the general would probably slap with with a white glove and challenge me to a duel for screwing up a beautiful speech. Call me a coward, but I just couldn't pick up a gun and point it at him, though, especially now that I understand him better. But damn it, now it's going to be hard to argue with that wiseguy that was always bringing this up!

You can read the whole address here:

http://avalon.law.yale.edu/18th_century/washing.asp

Citizen Kermitt

2011-04-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

I swear, Kermitt the Frog would stand a better chance of beating Obama in the 2012 election than any of the guys from the last cycle. Mike Huckabee is a pretty sharp guy, and his book, A Simple Government, makes a lot of good points...but President Huckabee? Aint' gonna happen, unless it's president of his book club. Some people are shouting out Mitt Romney's name again, but I'm not voting for a Ken doll, I'm voting for a president...so...no. Sarah Palin? Sorry, Saturday Night Live killed that in'08. Tina Fey pretending to be Sarah Palin would have a better shot at the White House. Then there's Donald Trump. The Democrats are salivating over the possibility of him running against Obama. The liberal media are putting him on all of their shows right now and bringing up the "birther" thing because they want him to be in the race. Believe me, they're begging for it. The way things look right now, the Republicans have NO CANDIDATE. There is absolutely no person that I can think of who has an honest chance of winning against Obama, and the conditions for a Republican victory haven't been this good since Carter got his clock cleaned by Reagan. Even though, according to Gallup, Obama's approval rating is at 41%, most people still really like the guy, feel sorry for him, even. Huckabee? Yawn. Romney? Snore. Trump? Giggle. Where is our leadership? Where is our charismatic kickass guy? Hell, I'll even take a joke candidate like Frosty the Snowman or Kermitt the Frog! The way things are going, I'm ready to dig up John Wayne's body and nominate him! And please, please, God, keep McCain in Arizona...I am so afraid that he'll spring out of his coffin and anounce his candidacy like Dracula ready to drain the life out of any chance we may have at a win. So who's it going to be? Governor Jindall of Louisiana? Not running. Congressman Ryan of Wisconsin? Not running. I even had hope that Hillary would run and challenge Obama for the Democratic nomination...nope. Not running. I haven't experienced apathy like this since I heard they were taking MAD TV off the air. I just hope Kermitt is a Republican, because I'd rather vote for a muppet than another party puppet.

Uncle Sam's American Express

2011-04-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

And you thought your credit score was low. As a nation, we can no longer even buy a used car from E-Z Credit Ed on the south side of town. Standard & Poor's just downgraded the United States' outlook from "stable" to "negative." What does that mean, you ask? It means they no longer trust in our government's ability to pay of the debt. What is Standard & Poor's? They're a financial research company famous in the world of Wall Street, the "go to" guys for stock market indexes. What does this mean? Well, I'm no economist, but it sounds like a major financial player just told the rest of the world that Uncle Sam is a deadbeat. The Obama administration, however, is optimistic. Austan Goolsbee of the Council of Economic Advisers says, "What the S&P is doing is making a political judgement and it's one we don't agree with, and it appeared to me that Moody's and some others don't agree with that judgement." True, Moody's has kept the U.S. outlook at "stable." For now. But let's look at some other things going on in the world of money, like the budget debate in Washington. The House of Representatives, which controls the "purse strings" of government, is calling for budget cuts while the Executive Branch claims those cuts will starve grandma and butcher your dog. In a regular household, when the credit cards are maxed out, mom and dad sit down and talk about what they can do to spend less. In this case, however, the government is "mom," and she aint' giving up her weekly spa treatment. Don't be surprised when your car isn't in the driveway tomorrow morning, mom. Which is why, in part, our credit rating has dropped, just as it did during the budget crisis of 1996 (only then, it was Moody's that did the downgrading). Another part would be the printing of tons of money. "Blah, blah, blah," you're probably saying, "I don't understand any of it, and I don't care, anyway!" Well, understand this, then- there's this group called "The Fed." That's the Federal Reserve, and they control the money supply. Since we don't have a gold standard anymore, money is worth whatever it will buy, which means, of course, that when you buy a car, it's worth whatever the sellers say it's worth, or however much you're willing to pay for it. When stuff is cheap, "The Fed" gets nervous, because they believe if prices fall, so will wages, so they artificially affect the markets to keep prices high. Yes, "The Fed" likes inflation, which, as I'm sure you know, means stuff costs more, but you're not earning more. This could only be a problem, "The Fed" reckons, if people start hording or if there's a scarcity of commodities. Well...more bad news about that...the Saudis are cutting fuel production. Add that to widespread rebellion in Egypt, Libya, Bahrain, and others, and speculators will go bonkers...which will drive the price of gas even higher, which in turn causes the cost of food to increase. Of course, the national inflation index doesn't take food or fuel into account, so even though inflation is at it's highest in three years, economists say you aren't feeling it. Of course not, right? As long as you don't have to eat or drive to work, you should be in good shape! Fortunately, we have programs in America like food stamps...which brings me back to the budget. Something's going to get cut...probably a lot of somethings. So what's it going to be? Social Security? Food Stamps? Education? Oh, and taxes will probably be going up, too, even if there are significant cuts. Taxes go up on business, which means fewer new hires, which means fewer people paying taxes, which means more poor people who need government programs, which means deeper budget deficits and more cuts for programs that are supposed to help the poor, when what the poor really need are good jobs, and there we go back up the scale. And all of this is happening while we print more money and raise interest rates to create inflation, while congress debates whether or not to give themselves more credit by raising the debt ceiling, while OPEC cuts oil production, while we are not allowed to drill for oil in our own country (hold on, I need to catch my breath), while unemployment is at 8.9%, and our credit standing as a nation as been downgraded to "negative." Make sense yet? So while you're feeling bad about your credit score of 590 and wondering if you'll get that loan for a used car, just count your blessings. At least you're not that deadbeat Uncle Sam.
A few sources:
http://www.cnbc.com/id/42643384
http://www.cnbc.com/id/42595125/
http://www.cnbc.com/id/42637280/

As A Former Foetus...

2011-04-17T02:39:00.002-05:00

Liberals always say, " no one is for abortion." The idea behind that statement is, "we don't like it either, but sometimes it just has to be done." Bill Clinton, the new Liberal Golden Boy since Jack Kennedy was murdered, is famously quoted as saying in 1996, "abortion should not only be safe and legal, it should be rare." Well two out of three and bad, right, Bill? And speaking of bills, let's get back to the policy rider of choice for 2011, the effort to defund Planned Parenthood. I've been doing some research, and it looks like abortion is becoming less rare and more profitable. The other thing I've noticed about this debate in my research is how liberals frame the debate. Take this excerpt from Planned Parenthood's own fact sheet from September 2010: "In 2008, we provided nearly 11 million medical services for three million people, and helped to prevent approximately 595,000 unintended pregnancies." My focus is on the "prevention" of "unintended pregnancies." For those of you who haven't passed a third grade reading level, that translates to "we killed 595,000 babies for women who had sex with men they didn't want to have kids with." Sound harsh? Sure, Lefty, I know women get raped. I know bad things happen. I'm not an idiot. Here's the deal, though. Planned Parenthood also provides services for women like adoption and contraception. For the 2009 year, "medical services" amounts to $683.7 million in expenses in contrast to "sexuality education," $52.8 million. I didn't grab those figures out of the air, that's from PP's own PDF, which, if you are interested enough, you can find here:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/files/PPFA/PPFA_Annual_Report_08-09-FINAL-12-10-10.pdf
In 2008, the amount of abortions listed on the fact sheet are 324,008 as opposed to the adoption referrals, which come to 2,405. Gee, I guess those poor girls had no other choice. Rare, huh? And as I look back over the annual reports of the past ten years, it looks like the more abortions Planned Parenthood provides, the more government funding they get! Wow! Is it just Coincidence? Gee, prenatal care and adoption services are about 5% of their pie chart, but for $160,000 abortions, they get $160 million dollars from your government. What's up with that? Most of the babies being killed, by the way, in the name of "choice" and "women's health," are minorities. Yeah, Latin American and Black babies. Would it suprise you to know, at this point, that Planned Parenthood's founder, Margaret Sanger, was a proponent of eugenics that once spoke before the women's auxiliary of the Ku Klux Klan? I don't want to hear any more about free mammograms or HIV testing for unfortunate prostitiutes. Do you really want your government, your tax dollars, and thereby you, to be funding this crap? Liberals are as slippery as eels and they use clever phrases and words to mask their true intentions. They say "pro choice" when they mean "pro death." Who could be against choice, right? It sounds so democratic. They say "prevented unintended pregnancies" when they really mean "killed unborn babies." It just doesn't sound so severe. I'm a simple man, so I call 'em as I see 'em. You didn't "prevent a feoutus from coming to term." You killed a baby, a human soul. You didn't exercise your "right to choose," you chose to have a doctor murder your baby. Because you got drunk and screwed the wrong guy? Because you were raped? Because you were abused? And you killed what could have been the next Einstien or Beethoven, or even a regular old baby who would love you forever just because you're "mom" to make yourself feel better about it instead of opting for adoption? Oh, and as the father, a man has no say in the matter? And you think the government, the American taxpayer should pay for this little hit job? Screw that. Defund it now.

The $100,000 Band-Aid

2011-04-15T17:34:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the NBA has added political correctness to the list of technical fouls that can be called, because Wednesday, Los Angeles Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for using the word "faggot." Now, Kobe says he was just angry at the referee and tossed out an insult. "What I said last night should not be taken literally. My actions were out of frustration during the heat of the game, period," he said as part of a statement released by the Lakers. I have no idea if the referee he was upset with is gay or not, or even if that referee was particularly offended, but either way, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) got an apology out of Kobe, so it doesn't matter. "Professional sports players need to set a better example for young people who use words like this on the playground and in our schools, creating a climate of intolerance and hostility," said one of the gay lawyers for GLAAD. Really? Is that a fact? Look, I agree that some of our top athletes are less than "good sports," I mean we have professional athletes that walk into nightclubs with firearms, rape female fans, and bet on cock fights, and that's just one guy on one night. Don't you think people might be overreacting just a little bit on this issue? Maybe I'm just getting old...when I was in high school, that was just something bullies called people whether they were actually gay or not. When some long-haired, pot-smoking maggott in a Megadeth t-shirt called me "faggot," it wasn't because he really thought I was gay, it was just an insult, a stab at my basic manhood. I had a boss just a few years ago that would routinely say things like, "do you girls think you could hurry it up, or is it time for your tea already?" I've heard guys on the golf course say to eachother, "nice swing, Mary, does your boyfriend play golf, too?" It's trash talk. Now, I know what some of you are saying... "It is trash talk, Mr. Johnson, and trash like that has no business in professional sports, or anywhere else in society! Just the fact that you even chose to include that hateful word in your article shows what a backward weed of humanity you are!" Easy, there, Lefty, you're getting close to hate speech, and we wouldn't want to have to fine you. But seriously, are we really at a point now where everytime someone gets their feelings hurt we have to slap a $100,000 band-aid on it? If I tell someone they're crazy, am I going to have to make a public apology to all crazy people and their psychologists? Every mother out there agrees, it's not nice to call people names, but even a five year old knows "sticks and stones." Oh, and let me stop you before you say, "what if the referee had called Kobe the 'N' word? Should Kobe have just let it go?" Of course not, and I'm not saying it was O.K. for Kobe, either, but 1) I don't think you can equate those two words... Sorry, but being called one definately has a different meaning and history than the other, and 2) if it had gone down that way, the referee would have to be fired, because you can't have an admitted racist calling plays on the court. See what I mean? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call my lawyer to make sure I can post this without getting sued by some crybaby. Have a great weekend, everyone! You can read more here:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110414/ap_on_sp_bk_ne/bkn_lakers_bryant_slur

The One Ton President

2011-04-14T20:13:00.000-05:00

You know what America needs? A fat president. No kidding. Our next president should have a ZZ Top beard, a beer gut, and he needs to smoke two packs of Marlboro reds a day. I'm sick and tired of the Jay Leno "how fat are we as a country" jokes and all of the Saturday morning commercials trying to push me and my family outside to "get active." I'm sick of hearing about all of the okra that grows in Michelle Obama's garden, and I don't want to see any pictures of the President jogging. The next time I see a container of pepper for sale at the grocery store that advertises "very low sodium!" I am going to pick it up and fling it at the stockboy who put it there. The next guy who utters the word "transfats" in my presence is going to have a transfat lip. It started with light beer. Look, if your diet allows you to drink beer of any kind, you are not on a diet. Besides, if you live in a state that does not allow the sale of beer that contains more than 3.2% alcohol, you're just drinking flavored water, anyway. But never mind, not a big deal. Then it was smoking. Okay, no big whoop. Everybody knows smoking is unhealthy, and of course we don't want our children taking up that filthy habit, so regulate it. No more ads on T.V., and kill Joe Camel. Next on the hit list was school vending machines. Go ahead, try to rob one. I bet you get about two bucks. Hey, Mr. Principal! No one likes that Coke Zero stuff you keep cramming in there! Can you say Mountain Dew? Soda is coffee for kids, get used to the idea! Now we have the Grease Police breathing down our necks and telling McDonalds they can't sell Happy Meals in San Francisco. I heard KFC, which used to be Kentucky FRIED Chicken, was selling roasted chicken now. What planet is this? What are all of these government agents doing in my freaking kitchen? Can't you just let me eat in peace? This is why I want a fat guy to be the President. Go ahead and say it, Lefty..."Now you're just being stupid, Mr. Johnson! Obesity is a disease in this country! How would having a fat president be good for our national image, you beer guzzling yellow toothed waste of human tissue?" You really have a way with words, you know that? But...no. Obesity is not a disease, or an epidemic, nor is it the responsibility of government to regulate anybody's body mass index. Is being fat healthy? No. Is smoking healthy? No. Is drinking a barrel of whiskey a day healthy? Of course not. You know what else is unhealthy? Telling a 210 pound adult male he needs to cut back on the snacks. Mind your own damned business. When people found out Obama smokes during the last presidential election, they had all kinds of polls and such...would you vote for a smoker? And when he was asked about it,well, of course he let everyone know he was tryng to quit. Screw that. He should have said, "yeah, I smoke Lucky Strikes without a filter. Don't like it? Go to Hell. Vote for bean sprout McCain if it matters so much to you." Then, even I might have been tempted to vote for him. Instead, we have his wife interrupting our cartoons to tell us we're too fat while she runs off to Spain and orders everything on the menu with extra gravy. No more. I'm now basing my next vote on how much the candidate weighs, because a fat president is less likely to raise taxes on Twinkies or regulate root beer.

Elected Official Says Elections Shouldn't Matter

2011-04-13T19:43:00.000-05:00

Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi had a message for the Republican majority last Friday. I'm paraphrasing, here, but the message seems to be, don't listen to those boobs who voted for you. "There's so many things at risk right now ... but the fact is is that elections shouldn't matter as much as they do, (there) should be some place on the spectrum where we respect each other's views and all the rest," she told the crowd at Tufts University. I've been trying to dissect that for hours now...what the hell does she mean, "elections shouldn't matter as much as they do?" Near as I can figure, it means, "elections only matter if Democrats win." I think she believes that the Republican party has been hijacked by the Tea Party Movement, and she's not alone, but the Tea Party Movement will tell you that government in general has been hijacked by career politicians. If she's saying that the Republican majority doesn't have a mandate from the people, I think she's wrong. The message from voters seemed pretty clear- "stop spending." If Republicans fail to hear that message, then I think the new message will be, "you're fired." Simple as that. Then again, she also mentioned embracing our shared values, education, the economy, and defense. I'm not convinced the former Speaker and I have a lot in common when it comes to those issues, and I doubt the freshman House members have much in common with her, either. It sounds like she's calling for compromise...but compromise basically means, "you give us what we want and give your constituents the middle finger." All of this "elections shouldn't matter" stuff is kind of weird coming from Democrats when you consider that when they won, we were told, "Elections have consequences." I seem to remember very clearly that the Democrats claimed to have a mandate from the people in '06 and '08, and they basically told Republicans, "screw you, we won." Maybe they've had a change of heart. Now, it's "let's not get caught up in all of this 'democracy' stuff." I know what you're going to say- "Compromise is important, Mr. Johnson! Would you prefer gridlock, you red state red neck puke bag?" Well, Lefty, there's a difference between coming to an accord and basically backhanding the people who put you in office. Pelosi also said, "To my Republican friends, take back your party, so that it doesn't matter so much who wins the election..." Wait- take it back from whom? The voters? Yeah, good idea, ignore the will of the people and just do whatever Nancy wants! That'll get you places! I've got news for you, Lefty...the Tea Party Movement didn't hijack the Republican party. What actually happened was Democrats ignored the voters and just did what ever the hell they wanted to...so they were voted out. If the Republicans fail to deliver, then you Dems will probably get another whack at it. Will elections matter then?
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/04/13/pelosi-elections-shouldnt-matter/#ixzz1JS0yHwEl

Patriot or Traitor?

2011-04-12T19:13:00.005-05:00

Today marks the 150th anniversary of the outbreak of the American Civil War, and many of you are probably quietly thinking to yourselves, "So?" I find, when it comes to the Civil War, there are three types of people. The first type is the history buff, but they almost don't count, because they're the kind of people who will watch a two-hour documentary on the history of underwear. The second is the guy with the Confederate battle flag hanging in the bedroom windows instead of a curtain, and the third is the guy who sees that flag and says, "You lost, can't you people just get over it already?" Wait...there's actually one more type...the guy that sees that flag and says, "Wow, what a racist." That's kind of hard to argue, since everyone I ever knew that flew that flag was, in fact, a racist. Now, I know some of you out there are going to say that's absurd, that the Civil War was fought for state's rights, not slavery. You're absolutely right- the civil war was fought over each state's rights...to defend and promote slavery. Don't start writing hate mail to me yet, Johnny Reb, I'm not finished. You see, the South was right about one thing...they did have a right to secede, at least in theory. All you have to do is read the Declaration of Independence to realize that. I should also point out that most of the young men who fought that war were so poor they couldn't afford to buy a dozen eggs let alone own another human being. Rich man's war, poor man's fight, it was said. I've also read that the great American general Robert E. Lee was against slavery, but saw his duty to Virginia as higher than his duty to the union. I get all of that, so when I say that the Civil War was fought over slavery, please don't overload the comments section or my Facebook page with a lot of "No it wasn't!" Yeah, it was. And if you're going to start in with the whole "Lincoln owned slaves" thing, I'm going to have to see some documentation. About Lincoln. Not his grandfather, or his great uncle. Put up, or shut up, as they say. It is true that Lincoln wanted to save the union whether slavery was abolished or not...the union was more important to him. But make no mistake-this quote from Lincoln says it all; "Our progress in degeneracy appears to me to be pretty rapid. As a nation we began by declaring that "all men are created equal." We now practically read it "all men are created equal, except negroes." Soon it will read "all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and catholics." When it comes to this, I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty--to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocracy." Men in the South feared Lincoln, feared abolitionists like John Brown, and left the union based on that fear. Saying the Civil War wasn't about slavery is like saying that the Crucifiction wasn't about Jesus. Maybe not, but it wouldn't have happened without Him, would it? "So- other than pure interest in history, Mr. Type One, why did you even bring it up?" Good question, Lefty, thanks for hanging in there. The reason I bring it up is to ask you a question. Does the union still matter? Believe it or not, there are people today that are calling for their states to seceed, and I'm not just talking about a few crazies out in west Texas. I, for one, am a big believer in states' rights, but I am first and foremost an American. So I found myself asking that question of myself today. What would it take to make me rebel against the government, and would that make me a patriot, or a traitor? Where do you draw the line between defending the Constitution and defending your country?

Class Warfare and the Death of True Freedom

2011-04-09T20:21:00.003-05:00

Class warfare is for crybabies. And Marxists. And, I guess, for politicians and pundits who seek the admiration of crybaby Marxists. Bill Maher has said America needs class warfare on his HBO program, Real Time, claiming that the evil rich are screwing the poor, but let's examine who the "evil rich" really are, shall we, the "top 1%" he thinks the rest of America should hang from trees covered in tar and feathers. He claims that the Republican party is the "party of billionaires," and apparently, he's very upset that General Electric doesn't have to pay taxes. Well, according the The Washington Post, " Last election, GEPAC spent $2.4 million, with a slim majority going to Democrats. So far this year, two-thirds of GEPAC money has gone to Democrats." You can read more here: http://washingtonexaminer.com/politics/2009/08/leaked-e-mail-shows-how-ge-puts-government-work-ge#ixzz1J4llvtBL 99.6% of Apple, Inc. CEO Steve Jobs' donations went to the Democratic National Committee. Warren Buffett donated over $1 million to Hillary Clinton, democrat, in 2009. All of those Hollywood types, those sophisticated millionaires Bill Maher pals around with? Democrats. They all famously donate money to charity, to the poor of the world, and yet with all of that money, poor people still exist. Hmmm. Why is that? Is it because of the evil Republicans? Maybe it's because rich people get their wealth by making good decisions. The world is full of Art Linkletter types who didn't even know what a decent pair of shoes was until they were in their twenties, then ended up with millions. Is it because they stole it all from the poor? So maybe you had a rough life. Maybe you couldn't afford college. That sucks. So what are you doing about it? What are you doing to change things? Think about the movies you watch- do you like movies about people who blame all of their problems on other people, people who demand other people give them what they earned? Or do you like watching movies about people who find ways to help themselves and overcome their obstacles? Watch The Pursuit of Happiness with Will Smith, then come back and tell me what you learned. Class warfare is destructive to society. Instead of people using their own talent and freedom to improve things, they grab pitchforks and torches and attack. I know you won't believe me, here, Lefty, but only the rich pay taxes. That's right. Most of you complainers out there are going to get a tax refund, and some of you are even getting back thousands more than you paid in. You get all of your taxes back plus extra. Now do you want to scream about what's fair? The truth is, there is no "middle-class" or "upper-class," those are things Marx invented. Here in America, any one can start out rich and become poor just as any one can start out poor and become rich. You can go as far as talent and creativity will take you. The sad thing is, there will always be someone who is jealous of you and your success, and like wolves, they will crowd around you, mouths slobbering greedily. Don't believe me? Just go walk down the street sometime with a cigarette in your hand in any major city, and I guarantee you someone will want to "bum" one from you. You've got smokes and they don't, so you should give them yours, right? Even you well-meaning Democrats out there know what I'm talking about here. Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't help each other. Everyone needs help at some point in their life. What I'm saying is, "Look in the mirror." Who are you? Are you a hyena waiting for the scraps the lions leave you, a lion feeding her cubs, or are you the prey being eaten? Ask yourself how people like Bill Maher got rich. Did he steal it, or did he use his own talent and the freedom to speak his mind? True freedom is in the Declaration of Independence- the right to pursue happiness. Exercise your own rights instead of being jealous of those who do. You are the reason you're not rich, not happy, and you are the only one who can change that.

The Adventures of The Policy Rider!

2011-04-08T19:47:00.000-05:00

If you turned on the T.V. or radio today, I'm sure you heard about the Incredible Policy Riders and a possible government shutdown. If you're like me, you probably had images in your head of masked men on horseback storming the Capitol and racing off with sacks full of treasury notes. When you finished giggling, you then probably realized you missed what the story was actually about. The long and the short of it, as far as I can tell, is that the Republicans put together a spending bill demanding that funding for Planned Parenthood be cut, and the Democrats don't like it. Democrats say it is a policy issue that has no business in the debate over the budget, and Republicans say it has everything to do with it because it is funding that can be cut. Hard to argue that point, actually, but here we are. Liberals are incensed that the Evil Republicans want to cut funding for "Women's Health," and Republicans are insistent that government funding of abortion be stopped. Don't you just love that? If you're a liberal, you are a pro-choice defender of women's health issues. Words can be funny... like "kumquat." That's a funny word. Words mean things, though, and just as a kumquat is a fruit-bearing tree, a pro-choice defender of women's health issues is a person who defends a woman's right too have her baby murdered, before that baby is born, by the doctor of her choice. I know, I know- mammograms. Don't start with me, Lefty, I'm on a roll. See, on the other side, we've been fighting this whole "Roe v. Wade" thing for as long as I can remember, so if we can't nix it this time, then move on and get a budget together that works so we don't have to turn off all of the lights. Everybody cool with that? The big issue, the whole reason Republicans took the House last November, is the fact that we are broke. As a nation, we have no cash. We can't just go to the ATM, Lefty, you got it? The money aint there. Now we have to decide how we're going to pay for everything for the next fiscal year, and if we have to cut a few things like shoe shines in the lobby for congressmen, or tours of the White House, or...I don't know...abortion? Well, that's what we have to do. But we CAN'T stop paying our Marines, our soldiers, our sailors, or our airmen. That pisses me off with a capital P . Bold and italicized, buddy. Fix it. I can still mail a letter? Awesome. The national parks will be protected? Cool. I can't ride the D.C. Metro 24-7? I'll get over it. But our frikkin' troops? C'mon, man, that's low. What will happen next? Stay tuned.

"You Jackass!"

2011-04-07T21:37:00.003-05:00

I really can't add anything here...she pretty much nails it. While I'm not all about burning the Koran, or any other book, for that matter, I am all over freedom of speech, and if a bunch of Muslims, or liberals, or any "jackass" doesn't like it, they can go to hell. Long live Freedom and down with the supression of speech!

Again, it's worth noting that when the religion of peace is offended, they kill people. As much as it pains me that one idiot in Florida decided to burn their holy book, and that this enraged Muslims enough to commit murder, I can't help but wonder- is that what their "holy book" teaches them to do? I'll take being offended over being silent and dead any day of the week, and I will never be silent.
You can also view it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xqtYkd2gCs there are two videos.

What, No X Files?

2011-04-06T19:35:00.000-05:00

If you ever wished you could sift through the FBI records on John F. Kennedy or the crash at Roswell, New Mexico, from the comfort of your own home, you're in for a treat...get your tin foil hat out from under your bed and grab your laptop, because the FBI has opened "The Vault!" Complete with its' own search engine, http://vault.fbi.gov/ combines nerdy fascination with "Unexplained Phenomenon" with nerdy keyword searches and pdf files! Now you can sift through all of the documents the FBI has on Jimi Hendrix and Bettie Page with just a few clicks and satisfy your morbid curiosity electronically. The choices are pretty broad actually, ranging from "Custodial Interrogation for Public Saftey" to "Motion Picture Copyright Infringement." Pretty heady stuff, right? There are also documents on people like Erich Fromm, Aristotle Onasis, and Robert F. Kennedy, and for those who really like to read, there's a complete timeline of the 9/11 hijackers down to the coffee they had at Starbucks the morning before the attacks. "You're such a snot, Mr. Johnson," you might be saying, "this is a good thing the agency is doing! Don't you feel like you can trust the government more now, you paranoid conservitard?" Well, don't let me stop you, lefty, head on over to the site and pdf your heart out. Just a heads up, though, I already checked out the Roswell stuff, and it's..well...pretty freaking boring. It kind of reads like some agent's hastily typed out report on a phone call he got. In fact, I think that's exactly what it is. Lots of information there, though, if you don't mind the blacked-out names and the "Best Copy Available" stamps all over everything. See, some of those documents are so old and faded that I have to assume not even the G-Men give a crap anymore. At first I went into it thinking I'd find some thing like "Thank God Geraldo didn't knock down that wall, he might have found all of the vampire skulls in Capone's vault!" Thirty seconds was all it took for me to realize it was just a bunch of old files and reports. Scully and Moulder must be keeping their records in a different place. Oh, well.

What Happened To Dad?

2011-04-03T17:07:00.001-05:00

Why is Dad such an idiot? I don't mean my dad, or even your dad. I'm talking about T.V. Dad. Why aren't there any good dads on television? It's Sunday night, and many of you will sit down with your families and watch the Fox Trio, The Simpsons, American Dad, and Family Guy. What do all three of those T.V. shows have in common? The father figure is an absolute doofus and the butt of half of the jokes. Homer is a drunk, slobbering boob, Stan is a conservative stereotype screw-up, and Peter is mentally retarded. At the end of most episodes, they try to soften it up with a "gee-whiz, Dad's a dummy, but he loves his family" sort of thing that's supposed to teach us all lessons of some kind, but what we really take away from it is that the dad should be institutionalized and the mom should get a medal for putting up with him and the smart-alec kids. Is this really a mirror of the modern family, or is Dad getting shafted? Sure, we all probably remember something from childhood where our dads embarrassed us, and now that we're older, some of us are embarrassing our own children now, but when I think about my dad, I just wish I could be half the man he is. Some of you weren't so lucky. For some of you, your dad was a drunk slob, or an idiot, or he cheated on your mom right in front of you. You have an opportunity and a responsibility to be better than that. Fortunately, there is no precise definition for what a dad is. Unfortunately, it's going to be an uphill battle, because not only are you under assault as a dad, but as a man in general. How many times have you seen a commercial for a hamburger joint that showed the stupid bachelor who can't even fry an egg, or watched a beer commercial that showed the fool who bought a six pack instead of the much needed toilette paper? I mean, if I see one more sitcom or commercial where the man, like a toddler, cries, "but honey, the game's on" while the all-knowing always-right wife or girlfriend stands in front of the T.V. badgering him about some stupid chore, I will destroy my television. Leave the freaking guy alone already, will you? Where is the dad that helps mom with the dishes after dinner? Where is the dad that taught junior how to ride a bike, or throw a ball? Where is that person that taught you how to be a responsible, honest, independent adult? Okay- so your dad drinks a beer in front of the T.V. after work. He goes bowling on Wednesday with his friends. He has a hotrod in the garage he likes to work on every Saturday, and he doesn't like chick flicks. He'd rather go fishing than shopping for drapes. So what? Thirty years ago, we called that hard working guy with hobbies "Dad." Now we call him "Homer."

The Bill of Rights for Dummies

2011-04-01T23:09:00.002-05:00

Four score and not too long ago, I posted an article called, "The Declaration for Dummies." Some of you liked it and suggested I expand on the idea of "simple." Why does my lawyer feel the need to say things in Latin and then smile and explain it all to me in English? Why does my wife's doctor tell her what's wrong with her in Greek, then break it down in to one or two syllables after handing her a prescription? Why do I tell people that there is an inconsistancy in the fifth hive of their registry due to a bad sector instead of just telling them they need a new hard drive? As a wise man once said, "keep it simple, stupid." It's the same garbage we've been dealing with since creation, as evidenced by the fact that we need over 2,000 laws to enforce ten simple commandments. So, here, for your edification, is the Bill of Rights..."dumbed down."
The Preamble: "On December 15, 1791, the U.S. Congress met in New York and decided we hadn't done enough to make sure the people don't get screwed, so we added a few things. We're allowed to do that thanks to the 5th Article of the original Constitution. The "meat" of it: :First thing: Lawmakers can't establish a national religion, and can't pass any law that keeps you from being whatever religion you are. Also, you're allowed to pretty much say or write what ever you want, and if you want to get together and talk about how much the government sucks, you can do that, too. Second Thing: We're not going to stop you from carrying weapons because it might be a good idea to have some armed civilians around in case the government ever starts to push us around again like King George did. Third thing: We won't make you keep soldiers in your house without asking first...unless we pass a law that says we can. Fourth thing: The government can't just break down your door or snoop around in your business unless we have a good reason, and even then, we have to put it in writing. Fifth thing: If you have to go to court for murder or something, you get to be judged by your neighbors...unless we're at war, and you're a soldier. On top of that, we won't take you to court for the same thing twice, and you can keep your mouth shut, if you think talking makes you look more guilty. Also, we won't take your stuff without a good reason, or at least without offering to pay for it first. Sixth thing: If we do take you to court, we promise it will be quick and it will be in your neighborhood. Also, you get to know why, you get to face the people who called you out, and you get a lawyer to stick up for you. Seventh thing: When it comes to money, if it's over twenty bucks, you get to have a jury trial, and once the court decides, that's it. Eighth thing: If you're guilty, we won't cut off your feet and beat you into the ground or fine you some ridiculous amount of money like a gazillion dollars. Ninth thing: Just because a right isn't listed in the constitution doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Thing ten: If the constitution doesn't say the federal government has a power, then the power belongs to the states or to the people in general." Well, that's the original ten, anyway, and not a syllable of it was in Latin. That wasn't so hard, was it? Now, there's nothing in there about the right to murder people, or about the right to lust after your best friend's wife, or the right to lie about people you hate, but then, like I said, why should we have over 2,000 laws to enforce ten simple rules everyone ought to know by now?

Your Lying Eyes

2011-04-01T20:52:00.000-05:00

A lot of talking heads, news anchors, and political mouth-pieces are tossing the word "recovery" around as if the last three years were just a bad hangover. Some of them are even out there telling you that you don't have that enormous, brain-mashing headache you've been complaining about. "Hey, we're in a recovery! Why, the unemployment rate is down to 8.8%! 216,000 jobs were added last month! The stock markets are BOOMING!" I don't want to be a buzzkill, but there are two problems with that. The first problem? Those are statistics from the U.S. Bureau of Labor statistics. Gallup paints a different picture. According to them, "Unemployment, as measured by Gallup without seasonal adjustment, was 10.0% in March -- down from 10.2% in mid-March and 10.3% at the end of February, but above the 9.8% at the end of January. U.S. unemployment was 10.4% at the end of March a year ago. The percentage of part-time workers who want full-time work was 9.3% at the end of March -- down from 9.7% in mid-March and 9.6% in both February measurements. The current percentage remains higher than the 9.1% at the end of January but lower than the 10.0% of a year ago." Maybe I'm just a skeptic at heart, I don't know, but they have been studying polling data independently for the last 75 years. "Don't be so infantile, Mr. Johnson," you're probably saying, "Gallup polls about a thousand people while the U.S. Bureau of Labor counts tens of thousands, so try again, you insignificant little molecule of monkey flatulence!" Sticks and stones, lefty, sticks and stones. But I don't need Gallup to make my second point, all I need is Wal-Mart. You see, I found a reciept in a kitchen drawer yesterday from 2007. Apparently, I bought a loaf of bread back then for 98 cents. That same loaf tonight? $1.28. Block of Extra Sharp Cheddar cheese? In 2007, it was $4.98, now it's $8.98. A gallon of milk was $2.85, and I remember being pissed then- now, it's three and a quarter. If I stopped for gas that night, I filled up for around $2.89 a gallon. Today, it was $3.29 a gallon. The last time I bought a pack pf cigarettes at the Wal-Mart gas station, by the way, it cost me $2.25. Today, thanks to inflation and taxes, it would have cost me $5.55. These days, I only get my tobacco from the Tribal smokeshops. So much cheaper. "So what, grandpa," you might be saying, "why don't you tell us about how you could go to the movies for a nickle when you were our age?" Where am I going with this? Follow me. In an age where people are already living paycheck to paycheck and thanking God that they even have a job, we're being told everything is great! Your paycheck, if you get one, is the same as four years ago and prices have doubled, but don't worry! Stocks are up! We hired a whole bunch of temporary workers to fill in potholes! The future is bullish! Why, we're only double the unemployment and prices of 2007 back when the evil tyrant George Bush was president! When I ask why my paycheck doesn't go as far as it did three or four years ago, why is Wal-Mart the only business in town still thriving, what answers do I get from the Huffington Post crowd and the administration they carry water for? "Don't you see we're in a recovery? Who are you going to believe, me, or your lying eyes?"

The Declaration for Dummies

2011-03-31T22:22:00.001-05:00

One of the biggest complaints people have about history is that it's old. When I was in college, I had to read New Atlantis and The Great Instauration by Francis Bacon. I tried. I really did. The problem was, it is impossible to read. A single sentence was as long as a modern paragraph, and every word that wasn't "the" or "of," I had to consult a dictionary. This is why so many kids are turned off by Shakespeare, honestly. Too many "thou"s and "dost"s. This is why we have to have Supreme Court justices; not just to tell us whether a thing is constitutional or not, but to tell us what the hell the Constitution says. Does the document mean what it says, or do we need to interpret the old, muddled, antiquated language? I happen to believe that the framers of the constitution meant exactly what they said- they just tended to say things a little less plainly than we do today. They said "bear arms" when I'd just say, "carry weapons." So, in an attempt to demystify history, I present you with a "dumbed down" version of the Declaration of Independence.

"All 13 of us agreed on the 4th of July, 1776, that we are a united American nation. We want to break away from the mother country and do our own thing (which is only natural...God himself would agree). Anyway, we think we ought to tell you why we're leaving. This stuff should be obvious, even to idiots. God made everybody the same, and everybody has rights you can't take away, like life, freedom, and finding a way to make yourself happy. To make sure no body messes with our rights, people form governments, and the governments get their power from the people that made them. If the government starts pushing people around, though, people have a right to throw the bums out and put something together they think is better. It would be stupid to have a revolution over one tiny little thing or on a whim, so usually people just take the abuse instead of standing up for themselves because they're afraid of change. People get fed up after awhile, though, and when the government steps over the line, the people can...no, actually, people need to throw the bums out and make a new government. That's kind of where we're at now, we've had all we can take, and we just can't take anymore- so, we're leaving. The king of England has done nothing but kick us around for as long as we can remember, and in case you don't believe us, we're going to list all the crap we've put up with."
The list goes on for a while. I'm not sure how Jefferson managed to fit it all on one piece of parchment. Anyway, you get my point. Thomas Jefferson was obviously an intelligent man with a command of the English language, and the Declaration is perfect in every way. It just takes a little thought. These days, people tend to write exactly the way they speak, so I doubt if this document could have been written today. That's O.K. I'm not saying everyone needs to speak like a flowered fop. Sometimes, simple is best. One of the things I always liked about George Bush was that he wasn't glib, he didn't sound, or even try to sound, as if Shakespeare wrote all of his speeches. The idea, here, is that while I appreciate the declaration the way it was written, I am not so impressed by someone who can recite it, and that is where I think teachers and especially politicians fail. What's important is what it means. You can't trust your teachers or your politicians to make sense of it for you, or even me. Read it. Understand it. Live it. Love it.

Who Turned Out The Lights?

2011-03-25T21:58:00.000-05:00

Are you ready to party like it's 1899? At 8:00PM tomorrow evening, everyone is encouraged to turn off all electric lights for one hour in a useless gesture of "caring" during Earth Hour. I thought we were finally over all of this bogus global warming crap, especially since it was proven back in 2009 that the so-called scientists monitoring climate change had actually manipulated their data. If you don't remember, or never heard about, "climategate," you can refresh your memory here: http://news.sciencemag.org/scienceinsider/2009/11/in-climate-hack.html It's bogus, people. It's all made up. This kind of foolishness makes me want to break things, it really does. Don't you environmental kooks realize what electricity did for civilization? We are not that far removed from a time when "burning the midnight oil" meant just that! It wasn't even a hundred years ago that your grandfather actually did walk five miles to school in the snow, because there was no such thing as a school bus. In 1911, if you fell asleep reading a book and knocked over your candle, you might set fire to the whole neighborhood, and there were no fire engines, because there were no engines, just horses! Mom couldn't e-mail dad to buy some milk on the way home from work, even if she had time,which she didn't because there were no convenient electric appliances to help her with her work! Laser surgery? Nope. Refrigeration? Huh-uh. Hot water heater? Try the wood-burning stove. Energy from coal and gas changed everything. Edison's light bulb rolled back the night and made it possible for you to do so much more! Edison was even quoted as saying, "We'll make electricity so cheap, only the rich will burn candles," and he was right! Cheap and reliable energy has changed the world. Look, It's not like I want to cut down all of the rain forests, pave all of the lakes, and build mini malls in our national parks. I agree, we should not pollute our water or air. Common sense will tell you that, you don't need Al Gore to tell you clean air and water are important. But people, turning your lights off for an hour tomorrow is just plain stupid. It only proves that you can be made to feel guilty by people who out consume you everyday by a hundred times. You are not saving the planet, not even symbolically, because the planet is in no danger. Even if carbon dioxide was a pollutant (it isn't), even if the earth is getting measurably warmer (its' not), and even if oil weren't a natural product (it is), the earth was here before us, and will be here after us. I actually posted on this idiocy back in 2008, and you can find that post in the archive here: http://blogoftheunion.blogspot.com/2008/03/google-goes-black-to-go-green.html Read that if you want to know what a real waste of time this is. The bottom line for me, though is, why the hell would we ever want to go back to the way things were in 1899?

You Rock, I'll Vote

2011-03-24T20:50:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like Garth Brooks just became a Dixie Chick. He just had to open is mouth when somebody asked him about Obama. When are these celebrities going to learn? Having opinions is dangerous and stupid in this country! Especially for you people! Frankly, I never liked Garth Brooks in the first place. Sorry. I'm just not a "country" guy. I'd like to feel bad for him, but it's like these celebrities have a class they all have to take on how to alienate half of their fan base. Truth be told, he didn't even say anything bad, all he did was say he supports the president, which is way nicer than what the Dixie Chicks got into trouble for, but sure enough, the social networks are all a-buzz with people claiming they will now burn his CDs and never attend another concert of his. Another truth be told, Brooks doesn't need their money or praise anymore...I mean, the guy sold more records than Elvis, so he'll be just fine. Burn his CDs, I'm sure he doesn't care. Thing is, I don't care either. I don't care if you burn his crappy CDs, and I don't care what he thinks about the president. Or anything else, for that matter. I didn't care what the Dixie Chicks thought, I didn't care what Madonna thought, and I will never care if Sheryl Crow uses toilette paper or tree bark. I know all of these celebrities start getting ideas in their heads when they reach a certain level of fame. After your picture is on the cover of Rolling Stone, suddenly you have to have "social consciousness" and tell everybody else not just what you think, but that if we really care, we'd think the same way. Rock the Vote! Save the Rain Forests! Support the Troops! How about this one? Shut your face. Entertain me. Cash your check and leave me alone, already. I can think for myself. No, they can't do that, though, because some agent or crusader starts whispering in their ear, maybe they look at their millions and start to feel guilty, like maybe they aren't doing enough. Maybe they get sucker punched by a reporter outside of a red carpet event, or maybe they just have a big old helping of stupid with dinner before the next show. I'm going to let you in on a little secret about me. Shhhh...don't tell anyone....I don't give a crap about your causes, your politics, or your pet projects! Guess what else? I can watch a Michael jackson video without wondering if he was really into little boys. I can listen to a Beatles song without wondering what drugs they were on. So please, celebrities...just save it. And Garth, you really ought to know better. Who's albums do you think are on the jukebox at the bowling alley while all the Tea Party people are complaining about the government over a cold pitcher of beer? Look, before another one of you goes nuts like Charlie Sheen or Mel the Jew Hating Gibson, just take my advice. Shut up. Go Garbo and stay silent. You rock, I'll vote.

Pesky Little Thing Just Won't Go Away

2011-03-23T22:04:00.000-05:00

Donald Trump has headed to the bone yard of politics. Most people who want to be taken seriously in politics, or even life in general, tend to stay away from the topic of President Obama's birth certificate, but Trump took his view to "The View" on ABC and reignited a debate thought by most of us to be dead and buried. People like Rev. Manning are perceived as nuts, and even Speaker Boehner had to come out on Meet The Press and declare that he is not a "birther," but Donald Trump decided to go on a television show overflowing with support for Barack Obama and say in front of Whoopie Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Barbara Walters (who used to be a journalist, they say), that Obama has not shown his birth certificate because "there's something on that birth certificate that [Obama] doesn't like." Talk show hosts like Bill O'Reilly and Mark Levin go out of their way to let every one know that they may disagree with the president's policies, but they don't accuse him of being foreign-born and generally mock people that do ("Get out of here, you idiot," Levin would say, "I don't have time for this crap!"). Trump, however, who is considering a run for the presidency, takes issue with that. "I'm like a really smart guy. They make these birthers into the worst idiots. Why doesn't he show his birth certificate," he asked. Well...most people will tell you it's because he shouldn't have to, after all, as Whoopie pointed out on The View (before she accused him of being s racist), no one ever asked to see George Bush's birth certificate. And that's true- but they did ask to see John McCain's, which he presented, proving he was born in American territory (the Panama Canal zone, in fact). At this point, you may be saying, "Oh, come on, Mr. Johnson, you mouth-breathing idiot, are you a birther, too, now, just because Trump said some stupid stuff on The View?" Well, I don't like your tone. But it's irrelevant, because Obama is the president. The records are sealed, along with his Columbia University records, his Harvard Law School records, and his passport, and they may never be seen, but it doesn't matter because he was elected, sworn in, and that's that. Still...why not show it? I mean, it would shut everybody up, wouldn't it? I mean, if somebody challenged my citizenship, I could prove it right now, and I would- just to make them look stupid. I'd whip out my passport, or a copy of my birth certificate with the raised stamped seal of the state of Florida, and I'd say, "Happy now, Jackass?" So- why doesn't he? The argument has been, "well, he doesn't have to prove anything to those crazy racists!" Maybe, but- don't you kind of have to prove that you're eligible to be President? Like I said, though, it doesn't really matter at this point, because he won, he got the job. I don't think we'll have a constitutional crisis on our hands or have to do 2008 all over again, do you? But there's this little voice in my head that keeps saying, "why doesn't he just show it already, and then we can be done with it? Is he hiding something?" That pesky little voice must be in Donald Trump's head, too. You can watch his comments here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwVlDxhqrtw&feature=player_embedded#at=157

Order The Airstrike And Kick That Ball Over Here!

2011-03-21T19:13:00.000-05:00

Once again, America has taken the lead on the world stage and engaged in military action. A day late and a dollar short, you might say...but apparently we were waiting for the French and the rest of the U.N. to give us permission. Barack Obama is not the cowboy that George Bush was, after all. I, for one, would just like to say that I support the president. I'd like saying it a whole lot more, however, if he weren't sightseeing in Brazil. Now hold on, I know you're about to bring up the whole "now, watch this drive" thing with George Bush, but that little catch phrase was uttered way before we went to war with Iraq. Besides that, I have nothing against the president going to a Sox game, or whatever, to relax. Moreover, I also understand that this trip to South America is important to America's interests. Heck, if you can take the wife and kids to Rio for a little vacation and get some work done at the same time, why not go for it? EXCEPT when you've just ordered American warplanes to drop bombs on another world leader's house. That's just asking for it. One news source I'm checking shows the bombed out ruin that was a command center at Gaddafi's compound, and another one is showing images of Obama playing soccer with some kid and hanging out with the family in front of the famous Christ the Redeemer statue. Neither site showed images of our president engaged in thoughtful conversation with the Joint Chiefs or even looking at a newspaper. "So what, Mr. Johnson," you may be saying, "didn't Bush spend most of his time in Texas? What about all of that, you republitard hack?" Ow. That stings. But seriously, don't you think there's a bit of a difference between a working vacation at your ranch in Texas and being completely out of the country, out of the hemisphere? Mr. President, I know you didn't want to have to do this in the first place. And I know that this is the 21st century. You're probably getting updates on your Blackberry, you're fully aware of what's going on in the world, because you check your Facebook status pretty regularly. It just doesn't look good. I really thought you were a little more media savvy than this...I mean, last week, you were throwing out your picks for March Madness as the world was watching the Middle East burn...you just seem....out of touch. Besides, if something happens to you down there, we're left with Joe freaking Biden, a guy who makes Dan Quayle look like Aristotle. To top it all off, you had to go and tell Gaddafi that you won't commit to sending in ground troops, and you'd really rather hand it off to the French or anybody else that's willing after a few days have gone by! Wow. Why don't you just give him the exact date and time that the bombs will stop falling so he knows when it's safe to come out again? Look, I know you're a pleaser. You want everyone to like you. But listen, you can't be all things to all people. So, are you the president of The United States, or are you Pele'?

While You Were Sleeping

2011-03-19T20:16:00.001-05:00

Do you know what an EMP is? Well, the North Koreans do. Yep, while you were chewing on your finger nails because of the hyped-up threat of contamination from Japan's damaged nuclear power plant, North Korea kept right on working on a bomb that, when detonated 25 miles above ground, would cripple every computer, cellphone, and radar tower within 60 miles. Not only that, it turns out they have a whole mess of advanced, uranium-enriching centrifuges in operation which could be quickly converted to make nuclear weapons- that is, if they haven't already been doing that. So all of those sanctions the diplomats are always talking about, all of those deals we made...yeah, that didn't stop them. All of that bargaining, all of the food and cash we've traded with them for a promise to not do exactly what they're doing, and what do we get? A big freaking "KICK ME" sign on our backs. "So what," you might be saying, "what the hell do we care if the NoKor Commies want a bomb?" Well, I guess if you forget the fact that we and our ally South Korea are still technically at war with them...if you forget the fact that we have over 30,000 service men and women stationed there...if you forget the fact that North Korea isn't any further away than the Russians...hey, what's to worry about? Let's go back to watching March Madness, right? Pass me a beer. Oh, wait...keep that one cold for me, will you, because it turns out North Korea isn't just building this stuff, they're also advertising it for sale to our other enemies in the Middle East! You know-another place where we have tens of thousands of soldiers, marines, sailors, and airmen? You're such ans alarmist, Mr. Johnson, some of you are saying, how do you even know any of this stuff is true, you war-mongering dolt? Well, aren't you clever. Can you, read, too? Then read this from ABC News.
http://abcnews.go.com/International/electronic-warfare-north-korea-nears-completion-electromagnetic-pulse/story?id=13081667&page=1
Finished yet? So, am I still a warmonger, fearmonger, fishmonger, what ever else monger? Or maybe I just want our leaders to stop playing hopscotch with places like Iran and North Korea and actually put something out there that has some teeth in it instead of begging them not to do stuff while paying out the ransom cash. Bullies only understand one thing. So are we going to be The United States of America, or are we going to be wiping blood off of our nose with our shirt sleeve as we hand over our lunch money? We look like Bugs Bunny to these people, drawing a line in the sand and then when Yosimite Sam crosses it, we just draw another line. "Yeah? Well, don't you dare cross this one, bub!" This is exactly what these goons want, don't you see that? They want us to make some insignificant statements, wag our index fingers at the T.V. cameras, then turn our ball caps backwards and go back to the Final Four, American Idol, and pornography. I mean, important, ground shaking things are happening, and our leaders are biting each other on the butt and throwing out their basketball picks! Mr. President, Madam Secretary, it's time to wake up now, please.

Searching For Reagan

2011-03-18T19:26:00.007-05:00

Before you read too much into the title of this post, let me assure you all that I am well aware Reagan is dead. I know he's not coming back, and I promise I am not going to compare everyone to Reagan when this next presidential election cycle kicks in. I don't sit around in my underwear watching Fox News moaning, "what would Reagan do?" That's not what this is about. Really, the idea of "Searching for Reagan" goes back to my very first post. I've been asked by liberals why conservatives always seem to be looking for "the next Reagan," and I've been berated by conservatives who tell me to stop talking about him, that we need to find a new leader. Well, there you go again. To be honest, nostalgia plays a big part. After all, he was our leader when I was between the ages of six and fourteen, he was what I knew for eight years, and frankly, those were eight good years for me, but there's more to it than that. When I look at President Obama's response to the insurrection in Libya, I can't help but remember that Reagan dropped bombs on that little twerp's house. Everyone knew that Gaddafi was a sponsor of Islamic terrorists, that he was training suicide squads, that he talked about assassinating Reagan. Reagan's response? A bomb in your lap, buddy. It may not have killed him, but he hasn't messed with us since, has he? When I think about President Obama's response to the voter protests in Iran, I remember Operation Praying Mantis. When Iran damaged an American vessel, Reagan sunk their navy. While Obama was telling the Russians where all of our nukes are and promising not to make any more, I thought back to Reykjavik. Gorbachev said, "we'll reduce our nukes if you stop working on defenses against them." What Reagan said? "No." Obama is yoga. Reagan is kickboxing. He also had a way with the press. He knew who these people are and how to talk to them. When asked by Sam Donaldson if Reagan would accept any of the blame for the recession, Reagan quipped, "yes, because for years, I was a democrat." He understood liberals, how liberals use language to frame the debate, and he redefined the debates on his terms. He rejected class warfare in favor of prosperity for everybody. There was no right or left, there was up or down. Because of his two landslide victories, people still refer to the "Reagan Democrats." He knew how to get his message out. Just think back to the 1980s for a second. We finally welcomed our Viet Nam veterans home. We restored the statue of liberty. People were singing "Born in the USA" not because of whatever point Bruce Springsteen was trying to get across, but because they were proud to be Americans. G.I. Joe was a real American Hero. Tell me you didn't watch Red Dawn and cheer Patrick Swayze on. Tell me Mary Lou Retton didn't make you proud. Lie to me and say you weren't stoked to hear Rambo was coming back for blood. America was just...different under Ronald Reagan. Some of you will try to remind me about Iran-Contra and Ollie North. Let me just say that even though there was nothing illegal about it, it bothered me, too...and I believe it bothered and saddened Reagan, too. Leadership is tough. But Reagan did lead. Reagan made me feel good about my country, which I think was important for everyone after Viet Nam, After Nixon, After Carter. That's what I'm searching for. Not just Reagan. I don't want Reagan back, I don't want to relive the 1980s...I want to feel good about America again. I want to feel that optimism, that-dare I say it? Hope.

Fear Itself

2011-03-16T19:01:00.004-05:00

I've always been a little suspicious of the established media, that Alphabet Soup of news peddlers like ABC, CBS, and NBC, even more so since Dan Rather got duped into reporting on forged documents back in 2004. We don't have to go there, I'm sure if you're older than eleven, you remember. I'm sure we have all come to expect that people who want to sell newspapers and advertising space will toss out a sensationalized story with an eye-grabber of a headline, and if it helps them push their agenda, even better. So, imagine the payday you can expect if you publish a headline like, MELTDOWN! ANOTHER CHERNOBYL!
Unfortunately, there is a very real crisis going on in Japan right now; there is great suffering there due to the earthquake that happened on March 11th, and there is a nuclear power plant involved...but the pictures you see under the headlines are not of that power plant, they are of a natural gas plant and an oil refinery. Those two accidents are bad enough, I admit, but putting the words "nuclear" or "meltdown" next to or above them is just plain deceptive. And is this really going to be as bad as the Chernoyl accident? Well...no, probably not. Actually, it won't even be as bad as our own accident at Three-Mile Island, most likely. It's not good, obviously, but the Japanese say it's manageable. Why do I believe them? Well, for one thing, you have to get both sides of the story. For another...well, there's a good article on that here, actually.
http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/fear-the-media-meltdown-not-the-nuclear-one/
I heard on the radio that people in Hawaii, California, and Oregon were so scared out of their wits by this that they are buying up radiation pills and decontamination kits like there's no tomorrow. No really, like tomorrow actually won't come because of all of the radiation. Of course, if you went online yesterday and saw the headline news at msn or yahoo, You probably thought the sky was falling, too. In fact, there's an article on msnbc right now that says, "top nuclear energy chief suggesting that one crippled reactor was in danger of a complete meltdown," and the nightly business report just referred to the situation as a "nuclear crisis." That sounds pretty bad, right? Any time you put the words "reactor" and "meltdown in a sentence together and you are not writing a sci-fi script, it's going to make people panic just a little bit. To be honest, I can't tell you that Japan won't just slip into the sea two days from now...but I'm thinking it isn't likely, so I'm not reporting that here. Just doesn't seem ethical, somehow. So, please, don't go running off to the supermarket looking for radiation pills, folks. Just remember that many of the so-called experts the news channels are interviewing are really activists who have been pushing us all to get rid of nuclear power since the 1970s. They are just using your fear to push their agenda and/or sell newspapers. As the man once said, the only thing we have to fear...By the way, let me just point out, here, that I am not Homer Simpson. I do not work at a nuclear power plant, and I do not have a dog in this fight. All well-built reactors have have the capacity for a "meltdown," but that doesn't mean we all have to.

Hope and Change for a $100 Bill

2011-03-15T18:20:00.007-05:00

So this is what "hope and change" looks like. 8.9% unemployment, $3.39 a gallon for gasoline, the president all but ignores the rulings of our judiciary, and our currency and standing in the world are diminished to microscopic levels. What the Hell happened? Is this the new "normal," now? Seriously? When the Persian people of Iran, our enemy, took to the streets in 2009, our government didn't want to meddle, but when the people of Egypt rose up against our ally Mubarak, well, he's got to go! Since when does America backhand it's allies and bow to its' enemies? Gas prices keep going up, and the news organizations tell us it's due to the conflict in Libya, even though we know for a fact Libya isn't even in the top fifteen of countries we get our oil from. We have plenty of oil here at home, but we aren't allowed to drill for it because of the potential for environmental disaster! Remember the BP oil spill? They told us if we didn't cap the well, it would just keep pouring out, maybe for a decade! If I learned anything from the BP oil spill, it was that there is no shortage of oil in the Gulf of Mexico and that America can bounce back pretty quickly from disasters. Yet, in a time when most Americans are short on cash, our government puts a moratorium on drilling, which not only kills jobs, increases our demand for foreign oil, and drives up the cost of gasoline, it makes us look down-right idiotic when the Chinese are drilling all over the world. Of course, that moratorium was struck down by a federal judge almost a year ago, but we're still not allowed to drill. 33 exploratory drilling projects were held up by the government, but don't worry, right? We're putting our money on "new" technology like windmills! But what do the windmills run on when there's no wind? Oh, that's right, they run on generators which need OIL and GAS! Meanwhile, as our economy gets worse, we're told by our news media that it's actually getting better! Sure, break out the booze, we're down to 8.9%! It's been a hard crawl, but the administration insists that this was handed to them by George Bush...no, wait- George Bush left office with unemployment at 7.9%, didn't he? And weren't we promised it would never go above 8%? Right. because of all of those "shovel-ready" jobs. Well, I know what to do with my shovel. But while we're on the topic, what ever happened to the $787 billion dollars we didn't have but spent anyway on the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009? Well...according to http://www.recovery.gov $259 billion went to "tax benefits," $180.7 billion went to "contracts and grants," and $184.4 billion went to "entitlements." Where are the shovels? Where are the jobs? And where is the other 8% of your money? You see, our economics teachers in high school used to lie to us and tell us that we owed the money to ourselves, but the truth is we've been borrowing it from the Chinese communists for YEARS. So, knowing that we- no, wait...our grandchildren owe China, what does our government do? Well, the Federal Reserve wants us to print more money, and the people we just sent to Congress to deal with out of control spending and debt want to raise the ceiling on our "national" debt! And while all of this is going on, the states are in trouble with the union mobs because they just don't have the money to keep paying workers after they've stop working for the states!But the best part, the real gravy, here, is that if you disagree with our "post-racial" president on any of these things, or illegal immigration, or on the justice department, or anything at all, you're a racist. So- why aren't you angry? There are three possibilities- 1) You like what's happening to America. 2) You are so jaded that you don't even care. 3) You are too busy trying to figure out how to stay afloat to be angry. But if you are angry, then what are you going to do about it besides hope the cashier at the gas station has change for a $100 bill?

What Big Bird Really Thinks of You

2011-03-13T15:44:00.006-05:00

Those of us who like to flap our right wing more than our left have always believed the media in America slants to the left, but thanks to James O'Keefe and his recent sting, now we know the mighty ship that is the corporation for public broadcasting doesn't just have a port-side list, it's practically ready to capsize. I've personally believed this since I was old enough to know what the words "liberal democrat" mean, but whenever I brought it up, I was told to shut up, it's just a kids' show. Well, here is what Big Bird really thinks about you and your kids. If you live in the south or Midwest, you are a Hun. A barbarian. You wake up in the morning hating brown people. You ride to work on a cow. When you've finished sloping the hogs and tending to your moonshine, you clean your gun and go to a KKK rally (which is what they think all Tea Party rallies are) in your evil gas-guzzling pick-up truck. After that, you snap on your 1939 RCA radio and tune in to Hitler's evening broadcast (which is who they think is broadcasting on talk radio), because you aren't educated enough to read a newspaper. You eat your corn bread for dinner, then pray to your outdated christian god before passing out from all of the moonshine you've been drinking all day. If you live in the north, east, or west, there isn't a fence high enough to keep you out (although they abhor fences). You are the barbarian next door. You wake up in the morning to the sound of the factory whistle and then head to the docks to haul in the fish. Because you are selfish, and don't care about mother earth, you pave over everything in site to make it easier for you to get to the mall in your buses and taxis and cars instead of relying on safe, clean, reliable, wind-powered trains. You are greasers and punks and yuppies, who are polluting the globe with your filthy cities, and there are just too damned many of you. It's because of you evil Zionists and Jews that we have so many wars. Unless you're an immigrant. Then, you poor dear, you must be catered to in order to offset all of the racism you face here. Shall we translate that into Arabic for you? Perhaps Spanish? Oh, you're from Poland? Italy? Japan? Well, never mind, then. The only hope for you and your ignorant little children is Big Bird and NPR. Big Bird will teach you tolerance (unless you're a Muslim), sharing (because that's what socialism is all about, right?), and how to care for Mother Earth (don't listen to those flat-earthers who tell you petroleum comes out of the ground and carbon dioxide is not a pollutant). Once you've grown, hopefully you won't want to be an ignorant pig farmer or longshoreman like your dads. You'll go on to college and become big-brained lawyers and social workers. And you'll tune in to PBS and NPR so that we can tell you what the evil Israelis are up to and how the greedy capitalists (anyone who owns a business or makes money from a non-taxpayer funded job) are destroying the lives of the people in the Third World and making health care so expensive. How do I know this is what Big Bird thinks? Because Ron Shiller told us so when he thought he was having a private conversation with a group supported by the Muslim Brotherhood. Well, thanks for telling us all how you really feel, Big Bird. Now that we know, we'll take our tax money back now. Without that, I think your ship will sink and you and your Jew-hating elitist snob crew can tread water until Hell freezes over.
Here's a link for the sting video. You should watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd9OYJMX9t4

Experts: Kim Won't Listen To Reason

2010-11-23T19:57:00.005-06:00

That 3:00 AM phone call that Hillary Clinton warned us about during the democrat primaries three years ago came this morning, as President Obama was made aware of a critical situation on the Korean Peninsula. For the first time since the cease-fire between the two warring neighbors almost 60 years ago, the North Koreans shelled civilians in South Korea. Each side claims it was the other country's fault, and there are plenty of experts and analysts out there to dissect it all, so I will spare you. That's not really why I'm posting this, anyway. I've been reading and listening to the news today whenever I had the opportunity, and the big question on every one's mind is, "What, if anything, should America do?" There are idiots on all sides with their own answers, such as, "why don't we just nuke 'em," or, "let them sort it out themselves." So many children have posted on different news sites and blogs that "war is never the answer." Let's consider that for a moment. War was the answer to American independence. It was also the answer to the re-unification of the states and an end to slavery. War was also the answer to the question, "how do we stop Hitler?" War was the answer when Iraq invaded Kuait. War will be the answer when North Koreans in uniforms start asking, "hey, mighty leader, what's for dinner?" Sometimes war is the ONLY answer. I don't want war any more than the rest of you, but the fact is that the Korean war never ended- we've only had a 60 year cease-fire. If the North attacks our ally to the south, we are obligated to help them. Oh, we've been avoiding it for some time now, having our six-way talks and our sanctions. Some say the aggression from the North stems from desperation, because they're starving. Still others say it will never get too ugly, because the Chinese will keep the North Koreans in check. Plenty of people also believe that the threat of a nuclear North Korea is non-existent because they don't have the money to fund such a program and sanctions should be enough. That's all crap. See, the truth is, Kim Jong Il is CRAZY. Certifiably nuts. He starves his own countrymen so he can buy porn, booze, and bombs. He's also pretty sure that China's got his back, so he's not really all that concerned with what, if anything, America decides to do. Besides, we may have 30,000 military personnel stationed in South Korea, but we also have two other wars going on. Kim doesn't listen to reason. I'm beginning to think North Korea is not only threatening war, they are counting on it. If South Korea is attacked, and we don't act, we will be telling our allies they can't count on us. It will also tell our enemies that we are weak and over-extended. We may not want to fight, but if the cease-fire ends, we will have to fight, one way or another. All the same, I sure hope I'm wrong, but I'd rather if we were ready in case I'm right.

Your Political Mirror

2010-11-16T19:05:00.004-06:00

Whether or not you consider yourself an Independent, a Republican or a Democrat, you probably have your own political identity. Even if you don't consider yourself either of the above, you are probably pretty proud of that...you're an Independent, and so that is your political identity. Identity politics, the politics of "us versus them," is pretty much the norm in America, it's Blue versus Red, it's Conservative versus Liberal, or at least that's the way it's played out in the media. In Washington, just as in Hollywood, image is everything. And yet we have the Tea Party Movement, a movement that encompasses all different kinds of people, and has it's roots in 1773, before there ever were such things as Democrats and Republicans, before anyone ever divided up the map with "primary colors." So what is a Republican and what is a Democrat? It depends on who you ask. The image that Republicans seek to convey is one of fiscal responsibility, hard-working shop owners and individuals who are strong on defense and proud of tradition. Their heroes are Madison and Reagan. Ask a Democrat, though, and they will tell you Republicans are fat, white, rich guys in suits who check their stocks in newspapers that don't have pictures while they plan the next war for profit. Democrats would like to be seen as fair-minded, tolerant people of all races who value diplomacy and embrace change. Their heroes are Jefferson and Roosevelt. Republicans, however, will describe them as misguided Robin Hoods and aging hippies, one step away from communism, either seeking to take the earnings from others and give it away to the slothful, or sticking their hands out to receive the spare change from Big Government. Libertarians? They will tell you they stand for limited government, private enterprise, and the notion that all people are free to live life as they please, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. their heroes are Ayn Rand and H.L. Menken. Republicans and Democrats will tell you that they are naive hipsters and closet pot smokers who want to legalize everything but murder and privatize the sidewalks. Independents? They're just wishy-washy, like Charlie Brown. Most people will tell you, if you gave them the descriptions without the labels, that they are actually a mix of all these things. For example, a person may be for gun control (democrat), against abortion (republican), and indifferent to gay marriage (libertarian). So... are you Red or Blue? Or purple? Maybe, after you've really thought about the things that matter to you, you won't be so sure. I encourage everyone to take The Shortest Political Quiz at http://www.theadvocates.org/quiz As it turns out, I'm a Libertarian.

CAIR: Following The Constitution Is Unconstitutional

2010-11-13T13:01:00.010-06:00

Still believe in democracy? As it turns out, your vote doesn't count. In fact, if you don't like the outcome of an election, all you have to do is file a law suit and have a judge refuse to certify the vote. Such is the case in Oklahoma, where 70.08% of the population who voted answered "yes" on State Question 755. The proposed amendment to the state constitution would forbid judges from considering international law or Sharia law when deciding cases. Why was this amendment so important to the voters? Are people in Oklahoma just a bunch of backward, bigoted hicks? Muneer Awad of the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) in Oklahoma says, "yes," and he took the measure to court. In his view, it is unconstitutional to force judges to stick to the constitution. He believes the whole thing was put together to foster "Islamophobia." What are we so afraid of? Well, how about S.D. versus M.J.R. in the New Jersey Superior Court? An American judge actually ruled that a man was not guilty of raping his seventeen year-old wife, not because he didn't rape her, but because he was following Sharia Law. The ruling was overturned in appellate court, but the idea that the judge even took that into consideration is horrid. OK State Question 755 was intended to be a firewall, to keep judges from ruling that it's acceptable to beat your wife or stone a homosexual to death based on religious belief. The amendment does not say you can't be a practicing Muslim, nor does it forbid the election or appointment of Muslim judges. All it says is, "stick the constitution." We don't care what the laws are in Poland, Somalia, China, or Iran. This is Oklahoma. Muneer Awad thinks 70% of Oklahoma voters are just bigots, that we're just scared. Well, honestly, there are aspects of Sharia that are pretty scary. I'm not to keen on international law, either, for that matter. Should we toss out our Second Amendment right to bear arms because the English do not have such a guarantee? I say no, and 695,567 other Oklahomans agreed with me. Use international law to decide on treaties, not on whether or not a civil or state measure should pass. As to the matter of religious intolerance, let me remind you again that this is not a First Amendment issue. Oklahoma is not trying to institute a "state religion." If anything, the voters are upholding the so-called "separation of church and state." Whether or not you agree with the amendment, however, the people voted, the amendment passed, and that should be it. Moreover, activist judges should not be allowed to refuse to certify the vote simply because they don't like the outcome. Certify the vote! Then decide on whether you think an amendment to the constitution does not follow the constitution. Now I know there are enough people out there who, no matter what reasoning I give for voting yes on SQ:755, are going to yell, "Bigot! Racist! Islamophobe! Hate Monger!" Really? Is that all you've got? What if the vote had gone the other way, and someone sued in order to deny the will of the voters? Majority Rule, not Judicial Fiat. Otherwise, what is the point of a vote in the first place? Why even bother defending democracy?

I robbed the photo above from http://www.hollywoodandfine.com/reviews/?p=1102

If you care to read it, you can find Oklahoma State Question: 755 here:
https://www.sos.ok.gov/gov/proposed_questions.aspx

Special note to Liberals: Please, do not start in with me on the whole "separation of church and state is in the First Amendment" garbage. That phrase does not exist in the Bill of Rights. I defy you to find it. Do not quote Jefferson's letter to the Danbury Baptists, it is irrelevant. I said "so-called separation of church and state," and I meant it. The nation was founded on freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion, and I still believe in the Judeo-Christian foundation of our laws and rights. But even if such a thing did exist in our constitution, you should be agreeing with me on this. So give it a rest.

Breaking News: It's Not Your Money

2010-11-10T22:07:00.004-06:00

In a recent survey, ten out of ten people polled this afternoon said they should not pay for my cheeseburger and fries at McDonald's simply because they had $50 in their pockets and I only had $4. When asked, "why not," each person polled simply responded, "because it's not your money!" Surprisingly, 4 out of these same 10 people identified themselves as "democrats." When the poll also included the phrase, "share the wealth, man," 9 of the 10 people polled exclaimed, "go to hell."

On the other hand, while engaging in a debate with friends online, 4 out of 5 self-described democrats agreed with the sentiment that, "those who earn more should pay more." One even suggested that we should, as a society, "eat the rich." As it turns out, it wasn't my money after all, no matter how hungry I was, and if someone had decided to feed me out of sheer kindness, I would have had to politely decline and thank them for their generosity. FULL DISCLOSURE: My family and I have been on food stamps. I, myself, have gone to the Salvation Army to ask for food. These are worthwhile programs for people who need a hand up, and I am not suggesting that anyone tell a hungry person to "go to hell." I'm not saying that you should go down to The Bowery and kick the bums and winos and tell them to get a job. What I'm really talking about here is attitude. Read this again; "Those who earn more should pay more." If you agree, tell me why. Then tell me how much is enough. Then tell me why I should strive to earn more if you're just going to take it away from me to cover my "fair share." And don't give me any of that crap about how I benefited from public schools, or how the police are protecting me, or about how much a battleship costs. We each take our equal share of those services, so why should you pay more and I less, or vice versa? Why do you want to tax Joe The Plumber until he's as poor as you? Do you want to spread the wealth, or spread the misery? It seems to me that some people take the phrase, "promote the general Welfare," from the preamble of our constitution, and broaden it just a bit too much. Are you your brother's keeper? Yes. Should you pay your brother's rent? Only if you truly want to , out of compassion, and not because the Government threatens to take your property and your earnings if you don't. I thought being rich was a part of the American Dream. I thought we were all supposed to aspire to be successful. My teachers always taught me that if I worked hard and applied myself, I could do anything I wanted. Not one of them ever said, "and when you do, we'll call you a villain, steal your money, give it to people who didn't earn it, and spend it on stuff we want." Teachers' Unions weren't as deeply entrenched back then, I guess. Think back to when you were a kid and someone asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" What did you answer? Did you say, "I want to serve the state and give as much as I can so that all people can benefit from the fruits of my labor?" No. You said, "I want to be a doctor!" Maybe it was a lawyer, or an astronaut, or a chef, or an artist. You wanted to earn a living doing something you were passionate about, and you wanted to have as much wealth as your skill would allow. You didn't want a brown Mazda hatchback with vinyl seats and an AM radio, you wanted the Porche, all leather interior, with the CD changer in the trunk. But you never got one. You never became a doctor. You're jealous of people that did. So now you want to take that Porche, take all the money, and make the doctor heal you for free. He owes you. Besides, he can afford it, right? Well, so what if he can? If you raise his taxes, he hires one less nurse. If you take a chunk out of his salary and spread it around, he goes out to eat a little less and doesn't tip any waitresses. If you raise his taxes, he decides not to buy a new car and changes his own oil. If you raise his taxes and not your own, you are stealing. It's not your money.

Religion of Peace Threatens More Violence

2010-09-25T10:20:00.004-05:00

The First Amendment is a powerful, liberating concept. Here in America, John Cusack can post, “I AM FOR A SATANIC DEATH CULT CENTER AT FOX NEWS HQ AND OUTSIDE THE OFFICES OF DICK ARMEY AND NEWT GINGRICH-and all the GOP WELFARE FREAKS," on Twitter without fear of intimidation. Hey, that's free speech. You may not like it, but he has a right to say it. And if Muslims want to build a mega-mosque two blocks away from Ground Zero, well, they have a right to practice their religion. This is America, after all. On top of that, people who oppose the location of that mosque have every right, thanks to that same amendment, to assemble and openly protest it. No one is going to attack them. Well, almost no one. Radical Muslims may come after you and try to kill you, and it doesn't take much to tick them off, so maybe you should be careful. Molly Norris, for example, has had to rethink the whole "freedom of speech" thing. She is the cartoonist who made May 20th "Everyone Draw Mohamed Day." She's in hiding now. She's even changed her name, and is currently under the protection of the FBI. I guess she didn't want to end up like Theo Van Gogh, who was murdered by Mohammed Bouyeri in 2004 for expressing his views on Islam and how that religion treats women. Maybe she's hanging out with Salman Rushdie, who has been in hiding since the 80s after writing a work of fiction that Muslims found blasphemous. Maybe she'll end up going from country to country like Taslima Nasreen, a fellow editorialist from Bangladesh, who has been running for her life since 1993 because she criticised the Muslim world's treatment of women. Thankfully, as both President Bush and President Obama have made known, we are not at war with Islam. Islam, after all, is "a religion of peace." It's funny, though, that whenever anyone, like Pope Benedict, for example, offends Muslims, they call for his death and chant things like, "you will pay," and "watch your back." It's also funny that whenever someone (like me) is critical of Islam or Sharia Law, it isn't considered an exercise of free speech. No, it's hate speech. Bigoted. Intolerant. There ought to be a law! Well, a law already exists. The First Amendment. Just be careful what you say, because the religion of peace may seek to kill you for being so intolerant as to speak your mind.

The cartoon above is not my property. I actually robbed it off a website called
http://returnoftheconservatives.blogspot.com

Naked Jocks Harrass Bimbo Reporter

2010-09-14T18:05:00.011-05:00

Have you ever seen one of those cheesy sports movies where the guys in the locker room are all joking with each other, not feeling a bit self-conscious, naked or in towels, until the hot-but-tough chick walks in? They get all nervous and try to pull their pants up, and the hot-but-tough chick says something hot-but-tough like, "Take it easy, boys, it's nothing I haven't seen before." See the woman in the pictures? That's Ines Sainz, a sports reporter for TV Azteca in Mexico. Not exactly Howard Cosell, right? When she walked into the Jets locker room on Sunday, she didn't walk into a cheesy sports movie. She walked into an actual men's locker room. The script writer must have been off that day.
I remember when I was a teenager, my dad, when I would accidentally swear in front of my mother, would say something like, "Hey, keep that kind of talk in the locker room!" I wonder why he'd say that? Maybe because ladies weren't allowed in there! It's no secret, is it? I know I was never allowed in the ladies' locker room. I wouldn't say it's a place for privacy, but there are some pretty good reasons why the men and women don't shower together after gym class. Now I'm perfectly ready for the argument, so I'll say it for you. "We've come a long way in this country, Mr. Johnson, and Neanderthals like you are going to have to give us women the equality we deserve. There's no reason a professional reporter of any gender should be harassed by these thick-necked jocks when she's just trying to do her job!" Good one. Give yourself a high five. But let's face it, she wasn't exactly dressed professionally, was she? In every picture I've ever seen of her, she looks...well...kind of like a Bourbon Street stripper. I think that's kind of her thing, actually. Google trends lists her hotness as "spicy." And wasn't she a beauty pageant winner, or something? "That shouldn't matter, Mr. Johnson, you knuckle-dragging man-beast, she should be able to wear any thing she wants and not be sexually harassed and have to listen to catcalls from horny jocks!" Sure. Maybe in a world where all men are gay. Of course you should be able to wear an outfit that you think flatters you, makes you feel good about yourself, and not feel like a piece of meat. I'm not arguing that. But I never met a beautiful woman with half a brain who didn't know what kind of attention certain outfits would get her. I mean, it's almost like entrapment, or something! And as far as sexual harassment goes, it seems to me the rules are: 1) Don't be married 2) Don't be ugly. Does that about cover it? Until 1990, I was not "enlightened" enough to know that women don't like to be thought of as "sexy," so the details are still a little fuzzy for me. I know that when I was single and I hit on a woman, it was only acceptable if she also found me attractive, otherwise I was a nuisance. But if the rules have changed, I'd like to know, because this means that I can go into the ladies' locker room while you shower after a volleyball game without a shirt on and start asking questions. We're an evolved society, right? You won't laugh or whistle. You're bigger than that. Okay, that's not ever going to happen. You see, I still believe, cave-dweller that I am, that men and women are different. We're supposed to be. And we both need our own rooms, decency demands that much of us. It's hard for me to be sympathetic to Ines in this case, because I'm sure this wasn't the first round of catcalls and whistles she's ever gotten, and really, she ought to know that a group of naked guys full of testosterone and adrenaline are going to act a little inappropriate in their locker room. Well, except maybe in the movies.

Nine Years

2010-09-11T15:29:00.007-05:00

It was just another work day when I got out of bed, a beautiful morning, really, and I wished I could go to the beach. I got my shower, my coffee, and the remote control, and decided to catch the news before I had to leave for work. What the hell was happening? That was the Twin Towers, and one of them was on fire! Someone was being interviewed, and I watched as a plane smashed into the World Trade Center again. Troy, my roommate, came into the room then, and he said, "what kind of movie are you watching?" My eyes still glued to the television, I answered, " That's New York...it's happening right now. I think we're at war." Good God! What should we do? What could we do? That was nine years ago...I still ask myself those questions sometimes.

The war still rages on. At least with Pearl Harbor, we knew what to do. The enemy had a uniform, a national identity, and even when they were cruel, they at least had a code of conduct. My grandparents were prisoners of war at a Japanese camp in the Philippines, and they came to know the enemy well. Today's enemy has no face, flies no flag, and takes no prisoners. The kamikaze plane that smashed into a destroyer was clearly marked, but the enemy pilots in this war fly passenger planes, full of innocents, anywhere they think they can kill the most people. How do we fight the enemy if they are just busboys, lawyers, or salesmen right up until the second they attack with a bomb strapped to their chests?

So the debate over civil liberties began. We have had to balance our need to protect our selves and our thirst for justice with the responsibility of the civil society and the duty to be fair. We can't profile people based on their race or religion, we don't want to betray the high ideals of this nation. After all, not all Arabs or Muslims are terrorists...and yet, all of the conspirators of 9/11 were both. There are plenty of patriotic, peace-loving, American Muslims...some of them are even in our armed forces, fighting and dying this very moment...but the next moment, someone like Major Nadal Malik Hasan at Fort Hood, Texas, will attack his fellow American soldiers, shouting, "Allahu Akbar!" Benjamin Franklin said, "Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." I believe that, too. So I still ask, what can we do?

Yes, this is a day of remembrance, a day to pay tribute to all of the people who died that day, to honor our police and firefighters, to give thanks for the men and women who protect us still. Today may be this generation's "Pearl Harbor Day," but we have yet to have our "VJ Day." I wonder if we ever will have a day when the parades roll down Main Street, when we celebrate our victory with streamers and the like, a "Victory Over Terror Day." The purpose of war, I have heard someone say, is to kill people and break things until the enemy are dead or they give up. It's ugly, but it's the only way to win. The problem is, we can't even agree who the enemy is. Some Americans will even tell you that we are the bad guys, that we deserved it, that we still do. So we are at war with ourselves, too.
The first anniversary of 9/11 was a heavy day for me. There was a singer, I think it was Suzanne Vega, who sang a song on a talk show that day. She sang, "It hit home...it still does..." I cried. Now on September 11th, 2010, there are no tears, but there has been little healing, either. Never Forget, the radio talk show hosts say. Well, who can forget? How do you forget that you are at war? Maybe one day, jaded Americans will use this day as a holiday, a day to grill hot dogs and complain that the Post Office is closed, maybe one day if the war ever does end. Today is Saturday. A pretty summer day in Oklahoma. I woke up late, had some coffee, and watched cartoons with my children. Nothing blew up, no one died, at least that I know of, and I guess I have a whole lot of people wearing uniforms to thank for that. But I still hear that song, and I still ask myself, "what can we do? What should we do?"

Shocking News: Politicians are Corrupt!

2010-08-21T13:11:00.005-05:00

We're not that naive, are we? No one actually believes that this is something new, right? No. Of course not. So it was no shock to me that a jury came back with only one guilty verdict out of 24 corruption charges for former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich (Blah-GOY-of-itch). I was also not surprised to discover that Congressman Charlie Rangel of New York and Congresswoman Maxine Waters of California are dirty...filthy, even. Let's not forget William Jefferson, the Representative of Louisiana's 2nd Congressional District, who was indicted on 16 charges of corruption. Really? A politician from New Orleans? How shocking! We all know, or at least, I think most of us do, that this is just the way it is for career politicians. Whether you're an elephant or a donkey, there is probably some horse trading and scapegoating going on. Power. Money. Prestige. The focus is on holding on to it and acquiring more of it, and hopefully keeping your constituents just happy enough with pork to keep you from having to get a real job. I think most of us get that. So why do we keep electing these crooks? Because there's no alternative, there's the Republican crook, or the Democrat crook. Getting into politics at all means having to grease palms, make backroom deals, take money from shady people in exchange for political favors, and in other ways sell your soul. If you really want to get into office, you need to have money, lots of it, and that's just to get your name out there. Once a person is elected, they become "our guy," he has name recognition, and so even though the legislature has an approval rating of 16%, well, we like "our guy," so we'll keep on voting them in even if we know for a fact they are bigger crooks than Al Capone. People may be really disgusted with Blagojevich right now, but I think it's more for embarrassing the state of Illinois than any real disbelief that he's done anything more criminal than his predecessors. We all know this stuff goes on. Heck, he may even run for office again and win. If Marion Berry can do it, why not Blago? So what's the solution? How do we get decent people in office who actually want to represent the people? It's simple. Term limits. I know, I know, some of you are saying, "but if I like 'my guy,' if he's doing a good job, I should be able to vote him in no matter how many times he's served." Really? Then why don't we still have President Clinton? Because of the 22nd Amendment, that's why. Because we don't want to have a "president for life." We shouldn't have these career politicians like Kennedy, or Byrd, or Thurman, who don't leave the Capitol until they're carried out in a casket. There's just too much power at stake, and when they stay there too long, they forget that the power belongs to us, not them, and they all begin to abuse it in one way or another. You will do your district, your state, a greater service by sending a citizen representative to the Capitol. Send your plumber, not your lawyer. If we enact term limits, if we decide to send actual representatives of the people rather than people who do just enough to get elected every few cycles, then maybe one day it actually will be shocking to hear of an indictment.
The picture was stolen from rrstar.com

The Hagia Sophia of Manhattan

2010-08-14T09:52:00.005-05:00

As a person who believes very strongly in the right to private property and the right to worship, the issue of "the ground zero mosque" has been a difficult one for me. The simplest way to express my frustration is this; I hate it, but there's nothing we can do about it. Building a mega-mosque so close to the site where so many innocent people were killed for jihad is more than just insensitive, it is a ball of spit right in America's already black eye. We know why they want to build it, and many Americans are broken-hearted and angry at the thought of a huge Muslim victory flag being placed so near the spot that even the president, who came out in support of the mosque, acknowledged is "hallowed ground." Yes, as long as they own the property and do not break the law, they can build just about anything they want there. They can tear down the existing structure and put up a statue of Ronald McDonald, if they want to. And since this is America, they can go there and pray to God, Allah, the Devil, or even Whitney Houston...it's a free country. But if Islam is truly a religion of peace, if they truly wish to foster understanding and build bridges, and all of that other touchy-feely crap, they ought to understand exactly why so many Americans, particularly New Yorkers, are so strongly against it. They should hear the people, some shouting, some crying, and say to themselves, "you know, there are lots of places to build in New York...we don't need to cause more pain here." They would decide, out of consideration, to build somewhere else. It would be the decent and sensitive thing to do. As one protester's sign read, "If you care, build it elsewhere." We don't want to stop them from worshipping. We just don't want them to do it on our loved ones' graves. But they already know all of this. They don't care. And we know why they want to build it there. Oh, it's a matter of principle, sure, but not an American principle. It's not about freedom of religion or private property rights. This mosque is intended to be not only a victory flag, but a weapon, a means to divide us further, to get the warm and fuzzy liberals to fight with the hard and scaly conservatives. We'll fight each other, throwing out words like "racist" and "traitor" and the mosque will go up. Some idiot nut jobs will try to burn the place down and, as the FDNY is doing their jobs putting out the flames, everyone will be tripping over each other to apologize for it, and the Imams will be laughing at us. They are using our own high-minded ideals against us. They have every right to build it, and we have no right to stop them. But if they really wanted to show us what a non-threatening place this is, they could build a memorial to the victims of September 11, 2001 with a plaque displayed denouncing those murders. Or they could build a true "community" center for everyone, of all faiths, Jew, christian, Muslim, Hindu, to pray and reflect.Instead, they are like a schoolyard pest waving their arms around us, making funny faces, yelling, "I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!" I hate it. But there's nothing we can do about it. Isn't that sick?

Ugh! (sigh) Stupid Hippies...

2010-08-11T19:56:00.006-05:00

I'm so sick to my stomach of the "green" crowd, I can't even come up with a title for this post without using very bad words. Four letter words. Anyway...

There's an article online today on yahoo.com by "environmental journalist" Lori Bongiorno entitled, "Signs of a Green Hypocrite." Not being one of the sheep who buy into the religion of global warming, I was pulled in by the title of the article. I was expecting to read a scathing article on the hypocrisy of people like Al Gore who burn millions of tons of fuel travelling the globe to tell us how we're destroying the planet with our SUVs. Instead, I got...well, here's one of the signs of a "green hypocrite," according to Lori Bongiorno.

"Carries reusable grocery bags, but fills them up with bottled water and packaged junk. What you put into your reusable grocery bag is far more important than the bag itself. It's better to carry a plastic bag and fill it up with locally grown fruits and veggies then to tote around an eco-friendly sack filled with packaged foods and drinks that have been shipped thousands of miles."

What!?!? It's just never enough for these people! "You're just not green enough! I'm greener than you are! You're not doing enough for the planet!" You people make me want to puke. By the way, not to get too far off topic, here, but have you never heard of a truck farmer? How the hell do you think people in Chicago get "fresh fruits and veggies" in the middle of freaking February? Oil! Lots and lots of refined petroleum, like what those PLASTIC BAGS are made of! But getting back to my original rant here, I'll say what I posted in the comments section of the article right here.
Who the hell are any of you to criticize anyone for any of the choices they make, "green" or not? I mean, is this all you do, sit around wringing your hands over the plastic water bottle in some other hippie's cloth bag? Get a life, and stay out of everyone elses'! Seriously. You're going to harp on someone because they drive a Prius, but they don't carpool? The other eco-nuts aren't as good and pure as you because they buy organic vegetables but still eat meat? I guess the world just won't be perfect until everyone acts just like you, huh? Maybe I should poop outside on the lawn and stop wasting all of that precious water in my toilette, would that be "green" enough for you?
Now, I know the point of the article was probably meant to be a series of friendly suggestions designed to get us all doing more than we are, but if that is the author's intent, why call it, "Signs of a Green Hypocrite?" No, her intent was to stick her pointy little fingers in our collective chests and mock people who think they are making a difference but who are really only kidding themselves in her eyes. It's the same as laughing at the fat guy who orders a diet coke with his greasy Big Mac and supersized fries. Hey, Lori. Guess what? You're ALL wasting your time. The Earth will continue to orbit the sun billions of years after my gas-guzzling car has rusted away. Why don't you help combat global warming by keeping your mouth shut instead of popping off with all of that hot air?

The article I'm mocking can be found at
http://green.yahoo.com/blog/the_conscious_consumer/146/signs-of-a-green-hypocrite.html

I robbed the picture from www.thegreatilluminator.com

Want to give me a piece of your mind? Post a comment. If you have a mind to.

Post-Racial America Not So "Post"

2010-07-14T19:55:00.006-05:00

Well, I waited two years to come back to this, because, frankly, I knew it was coming. I just kept my mouth shut. I didn't write about politics at all simply because I knew that anything negative I had to say at all about the current administration would be called "racist" and then dismissed. We were supposed to be behind all this... we were supposed to be a "post-racial" society now. I mean, I'm not a child, I know that racism still exists, but...we elected a black president, that didn't happen because all of the white folks stayed home that November...surely we should be done looking under the bed for whitey the racist bogeyman, right? Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Just this week- Jessie Jackson equates LeBron James to a runaway slave because Cavs owner Dan Gilbert said a few mean things about him. This was about loyalty! This was about basketball! This was not a plantation owner whipping a fugitive slave! All the Rev. Jackson should have had to say was, "Well, I bet this hurts for Cleveland, but Miami must be pretty excited!" Then, the big story is the NAACP putting together a resolution (what ever good that does) calling for "The Tea Party" to stop harboring bigots and racists. OK...#1- there IS no "Tea Party." It's not like the Democrat party or the Republican Party. It's a name given to a movement to symbolize the frustration a lot of people have over high taxes and big government. So there is no leadership, okay? No one has a "Tea Party" ID card. Anyone can show up at these tea party events, and sometimes there are going to be A-holes. That's just the way it is in a free society. #2- Aside from a picture of Obama with a Hitler mustache, no one has any evidence that there even ARE any racists showing up at these things. Breitbart offered $100,000 to anyone who had proof that Emanuel Cleaver, a black congressman from Missouri, had been spat upon...no one has claimed the prize, as far as I know, and that's a lot of money, so you'd think someone would have at least tried to fake a video. So...what's all the hubbub? And don't let me forget Mel the Jew-hating Gibson! I couldn't belive he was back in the news! Here's the danger of alcohol, my friends-take a guy who can make a great movie like Braveheart, The Patriot, or The Road Warrior but then get so amazingly drunk that he drools out racist and sexist garbage during a fight with his girlfriend, not remembering the last time he tied one on and insulted the entire population of Jews in this world and, not only ruined his career, but sparked up a debate on whether or not most people are closet racists. "Was it just the booze, or is Mel finally showing us who he really is?" Who the hell knows? The guy's an actor, when was the last time he was ever himself? Throw booze into the mix, and it's kind of suprising he didn't blame all of the world's problems on the Underpants Gnomes from South Park! The guy is an idiot...and yeah, he's probably a racist, even if Whoopie Goldberg says hes not. But does it need that much discussion? Is Mel the Jew-hating Gibson keeping you from getting a job? Is Dan Gilbert holding you down? Did Sarah palin and the Tea Party gang show up on your lawn with a burning cross? Enough, already! The only way to solve the problem of racism in America is to be a good person, be a hard worker, be a respectful neighbor, be a good samaritan...be a person FIRST. People will think what they will of you, some will like you, some will hate you (yes, even without a valid reason), and some will have no opinion at all. Will we ever get rid of racism in America? Doubt it. It would help, though, if people wouldn't assume I'm a racist just because I voted for McCain and I'm a white guy. I don't see a "black" entertainer in Eddie Murphy anymore than I see a "white" entertainer in Steve Martin. I just see funny. So it shouldn't be a question that when I see our president, I don't see a "black" president. I see a great orator who can't govern for crap. The only race I'm interested in is the Presidential Race in 2012.

I robbed the picture above from http://www.dreamstime.com/ It seemed appropriate.

Edit: Thanks to Dan Sanders for pointing out that Bill Cosby is NOT funny. The change has been made accordingly. LOL!

Noted Scientist Plays Halflife 2, Loses Damn Mind

2010-06-25T20:14:00.004-05:00

According to http://www.timesonline.co.uk/ , noted scientist Dr. Stephen Hawking is now warning us earthlings that, not only are aliens out there, we should all be very afraid of them, and for God's sake, stop trying to signal them. "To my mathematical brain," he says in the article, "the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational." I can't help but wonder if the good doctor just watched Independence Day for the first time or maybe got wrapped up in a kick-ass game of Halflife 2 a few years ago, because he goes on to say, "I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources on their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonise whatever planets they can reach." Will Smith? Gordon Freeman? Are you reading this? We may need you soon. Or...maybe.... maybe Dr. Hawking has an alien living in his brain already! That's the only reason I can think of why he might spew out this next little bit of elementary school wisdom, where he states, "If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much the same as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn't turn out very well for the Native Americans." Here we go again with the evil Europeans and the poor peaceful natives thing. Either an alien is living in his brain, or it's a liberal third grade teacher, I'm not sure. WAIT! I know what you may be thinking! Who are you to question such a distinguished member of the scientific establishment, Mr. Johnson? Where are your academic credentials? Stephen Hawking is a genius! Maybe. That doesn't mean he hasn't lost his mind. Let me point you towards another mathematical mind, Sir Frederick Hoyle. He's the British astronomer who reminded us that the probability of life, any life, randomly being created and being able to reproduce "is about the same as the probability that a tornado sweeping through a junkyard could assemble a 747 from the contents therin." Where's he get that? Math. One chance in one followed by 40,000 zeros, that's how likely it is. As for Columbus, I think Mr. Hawking forgets that the discovery of America was brought about as an unintended consequence of trying to find a sea route to avoid the Muslims and trade with India and China. Columbus and his crew didn't eat up all of the grain in Spain and head to Cuba with Lasers in hand to conquer the Arawak, so...sorry, but no. Not the same. I just can't help but think the guy got a little too into HL2 and now roams around his house in the dark wearing a hazardous environment suit and killing invisible head crabs from Xen with a crowbar. If you have an interest in any more of his ramblings, you could always read here:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/space/article7107207.ece I think the whole argument can be summed up with a quote from Woody Allen, though. "The question is not, 'are there aliens out there,' the question is, 'do they have ray guns?'" Woody Allen...now there was a genius.
The image used is of an antlion from VALVe's Halflife2

The First Avenger: Captain America 2.0?

2010-06-23T18:05:00.004-05:00

I'm a huge Captain America fan. His title was the only one I consistently bought and collected when I was a kid in the 1980s, and every now and then, as an adult, I still like to check in and see how my favorite superhero is doing. When I heard that marvel was going to do a live action movie for Captain America, I was thrilled beyond words...and a little scared. I wasn't afraid for the quality of the movie, that hasn't been an issue for me at all thanks to Sam Raimi and Tobey MacGuire's awesome work on Spiderman. But please, God, I beg you...do not let them try to "update" Cap for a "new generation!" I've seen the concept art for the movie that has been passed around on the web, and I....well, I hate it. I guess the idea is to make his costume (costume, not uniform) more practical for actual combat, to add things like a web belt, armor plating instead of the chain mail, but people, you have to remember...he's a freaking comic book superhero with superhuman abilities and a bulletproof shield. He doesn't, never needed, and never had anything else. His costume (yes, I said it again) is a symbol, it's not a suit of armor. I've seen in the discussion groups and forums where people are happy with the changes- they never liked the wings, they always thought his costume was cheesy, they're hoping for more changes...and they all sound to me like people who flat-out don't like the character, they don't even like Captain America! So who are they getting to put the movie together? From what I've read, it's people who have never read a Captain America comic book, don't know who Steve Rogers is, let alone Jack Kirby, and don't plan on reading the source material. Yeah, I'm scared. You see, Captain America, to me, isn't cheesy or outdated. Neither is what he stands for. The things Steve Rogers believed in, the things he fought for, and against, as Captain America, are all still relevant. Patriotism is not some old-fashioned concept forgotten in the 1940s. Liberty and love of country are not hokey or passe' ideas. You cannot update Captain America anymore than you can update Frank Sinatra, or apple pie, or baseball. Sure, there are things Cap will bring with him from the 40s when he's revived in the modern age, but that's another one of those things that makes him interesting...and what we discover is that, no matter what decade, some things just are. Messing with these things is as wrong as putting Brussels sprouts in your apple pie, adding a fifth base to baseball, or singing "Farmington Farmington" instead of "New York New York. " Please, no Cap 2.0.

How You Got Spyware and Why You Won't Believe Me

2010-06-23T07:08:00.009-05:00

Whenever a person brings me a computer with the complaint that it is slow, they can't get on the internet, or that they keep getting strange popups, I usually discover the problem is spyware. Also, whenever I tell people this, the reaction is pretty much the same. "I don't have spyware," they say, with a sneer on their faces as if I were a doctor who told them they have herpes. Yes, you do. And you probably got it from Facebook, MySpace, or one of those free applications you installed without reading the terms or conditions first. I know, I know, you use facebook all the time, and you've never had any trouble. Yes, I realize you paid for Limewire, but you didn't pay for the music you're "sharing," and you're oblivious to the other things you're sharing along with it. You don't have to take my word for it; go to snopes.com, or just do a little google search. Heck, it's even been on the network news. "But I have Norton (or McAfee, or whatever)! Shouldn't that protect me," you may be asking. NO. Why? Well, because you don't necessarily have a virus, what you have is a piece of malware that you yourself allowed on to your computer. Yes, you clicked on something. It may have been a hyperlink in an e-mail, a website you visited may have claimed you needed to download something in order to view the content, or maybe you saw a popup and tried to close it. Often, when you think you're clicking "cancel," or something to that effect, it actually starts a silent download, installing itself as a browser helper object (like your google toolbar), and since it's user-initiated, your antivirus software is instructed to ignore it. Something to remember- if you ever see a warning in your system tray or from anything other than the antivirus software you installed, it is bogus. Windows won't ever tell you you're infected. It doesn't care. I have witnessed these popups on legitimate, well-respected websites, too, so don't imagine that just because you are at http://www.nytimes.com/ that you are immune. The people who are responsible for these threats are very good at what they do, and the popups can be very deceptive, often mimicking the Windows Security Center or a known antivirus program. You should also be careful whom you decide to accept friend invitations from. There are "booby trapped" myspace profiles, and that message in your e-mail from the hot guy or girl you don't recognize that found you through the "friendfinder" is phony. I could go on for hours, and I could cite different sources, but the information is out there for you to find if you still don't believe me, so now I'll just tell you what you really need to know. The number one cause of spyware infection is user behavior and web surfing patterns. Don't click on stuff that looks suspicious or offers you free solutions for problems you don't have. Don't try to download or watch movies illegaly. Don't go looking for crackz or warez or try to find ways around paying for software and games. Avoid pornography-trust me, a subscription to Penthouse is way cheaper than a computer repair bill. If you use Limewire, Morpheus, Frostwire, or any thing like them, uninstall them. You are sharing more than you know- do we really need to have the "safe sex" talk here? Finally, read the terms and conditions and ask yourself: if this is such an awesome product, why are they giving it to me? Now, since you do all of the above and haven't had a problem yet, I know you don't believe me...but when you do get infected, I recommend this website http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/ Follow the instructions to the letter, and you'll be back in business. Happy surfing!

The picture used is of "The Spy" from VALVe's "TeamFortress 2"

Breaking News: Joe Biden Is Dan Quayle in Disguise!

2008-09-20T11:18:00.003-05:00

Twenty years ago, George Herbert Walker Bush picked as his running mate a young pup from Indiana named J. Danforth Quayle, and the liberal media (why don't you guys just admit it already?) couldn't have been happier. Even die-hard Republicans had to groan whenever this boob opened his mouth. He called the people of American Samoa "happy campers," he attacked a fictional TV personality, Murphy Brown, as being a bad role model (he was right about that one), and who could forget Lloyd Benson's famous "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" stab? The media loved to beat up on this guy, and it was hard to defend him. Well, guess what? He's back, and he's apparently climbed inside Joe Biden's mouth! At a campaign event in Columbia, MO, Joe Biden actually asks wheelchair-bound State Senator Chuck Graham to stand up and be recognized. "Stand up, Chuck," he said, "let 'em see ya!" you can see the blunder here: http://rightvoices.com/2008/09/09/another-biden-blunderstand-up-chuck-and-let-em-see-you/

Fortunately for him, Joe Biden is a liberal Democrat, or he would've been dowsed in tar, covered in feathers, and then set on fire. Instead, the media hailed him as a master of the "quick recovery." Biden again channeled the Spirit of Quayle in Nashua, NH, while talking about how pleased he was at being picked by Obama as the Democrat running mate: "Make no mistake about this...Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Let’s get that straight. She’s a truly close personal friend, she is qualified to be president of the United States of America, she’s easily qualified to be vice president of the United States of America, and quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me." Say what? Then why are you running, Joe? You can find that gaffe right here: http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/09/biden-hillary-a.html

Plus, in an attempt to fool the American people into thinking that he and Obama are Robin Hoods, he let us all know that paying higher taxes is true patriotism! When trying to recover from this Quayle-ism, he said, “John McCain's making fun of the fact that I said paying taxes is patriotic. What I said was when a woman asked me, what do I tell people making over $250,000 a year that their taxes are going to go back to where they were with Reagan, which is a lot lower - lower than they were at Reagan, what do I tell them? I said tell them it's time to be patriotic.” In other words, "Yup, that's what I said! That one can be found, among other places, here: http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/09/biden-defends-c.html

Welcome back, Dan Quayle, we missed you. Of course, now that you're speaking from the mouth of a liberal, we'll never hear about any of it.

Get Bin Laden

2008-06-15T11:24:00.004-05:00

President Bush is making another push to get Osama Bin Laden, according to timesonline.com, before he leaves office in January. This is comforting news to those Americans who had assumed the President had just given up on the whole idea after seven years, and I'm sure the cave-dwelling monster is shaking in his sandals. After all, this renewed manhunt will bring our Predators and Reapers into Pakistan, where Bin Laden has presumably been hiding out like a child safely "on base" during a game of schoolyard tag. There are those who will sneer at this effort by Mr. Bush, calling it a lame attempt to raise his approval ratings and secure his legacy before either Sen. McCain or Sen. Obama move into the Oval Office, and they may be right. Maybe...but I don't really care, I just want the guy caught, dead or alive. After all, the guy was charged with terrorism conspiracy in a sealed indictment back in 1998, during the Clinton administration....well before the attacks on September 11, 2001. Why isn't this guy dead already? Couldn't we have sent in Rambo, or James Bond? Actually, we may just be doing that. The Special Boat Service (SBS) and the Special Reconnaissance Regiment of the United Kingdom have been called in to aid our own U.S. Special Forces, with the grudging support of the Pakistani government, in the Bajaur tribal zone in northwest Pakistan. Let's just say my fingers are crossed. In any case, although I have a beef or two with President Bush on a few issues, such as illegal immigration, I still applaud him for doing what other so-called leaders are afraid to do. You don't try to make nice with the enemy, you hit them with everything you've got until they are dead or give up. With that in mind, I'm going to give the president the benefit of the doubt and assume that this is not just a way to try and improve his standing before he leaves office, but an honest attempt to full fill a promise to the American people. Whether this is naive, or just plain wrong, it doesn't really matter to me. Just get Bin Laden.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article4138791.ece

Google Goes Black To Go Green

2008-03-29T11:53:00.006-05:00

In a perfect example of pointless gestures in "raising awareness," Google has changed the background of their search page from black to white to combat the effects of man-made global warming. The idea is not for Google to shut down and stop using energy for a day-not even for an hour, as they ask their customers to do this evening. Google freely admits, " it saves no energy; modern displays use the same amount of power regardless of what they display." Besides, turning off your entire business for a day to combat something that no one can prove is happening would be stupid. They just want you to know that they care. They also want you to turn out your lights for an hour. Here's the plan, according to http://www.google.com/intl/en/earthhour/

"On Saturday, March 29, 2008, Earth Hour invites people around the world to turn off their lights for one hour – from 8:00pm to 9:00pm in their local time zone. On this day, cities around the world, including Copenhagen, Chicago, Melbourne, Dubai, and Tel Aviv, will hold events to acknowledge their commitment to energy conservation." Will it help save the earth from global warming? No....but won't it feel good to acknowledge your commitment? To show your friends and co-workers that you care? Well...it probably won't even accomplish that much. In fact, after about five minutes in the dark tonight, you'll probably begin to feel pretty stupid. And bored. You'll get tired of trying to feel like you've "done something" to combat global warming, switch your computer back on, and go back to chatting on My Space with other people who "care" about global warming. Google, having done nothing real at all to save the planet (by their own admission), can still pat themselves on their backs for making you feel guilty enough about the "threat of global warming" to turn out your lights. Meanwhile, the only proof that global warming exists is- the nightly news says it exists. No where have I read anything that shows conclusive evidence. Since I don't believe in participating in useless exercises in self-gratification (with the exception of my blog, of course), I'll be leaving my lights on. If you choose to turn yours off, well...then you really are in the dark. Just don't expect it to change anything.

Which "ism" Will Win The White House?

2008-03-11T19:04:00.002-05:00

The fight for the Oval Office is getting serious now as Racism and Sexism duke it out in the last of the Democratic primaries. Racism can proudly say that it has a higher delegate count, as well as a big chunk of the popular vote, but Sexism remains confident that it's experience and name recognition will win the day. One of these contenders, of course, will eventually have to face Agism, the clear winner on the Republican side despite its' lack of support from Conservatism. Any one of these candidates would be one for the history books; Agism would be the oldest elected president, Racism would be the first black (ecsuse me- African-American) president, and Sexism would be the first female president, but most people will tell you they don't care about those things. No, most people will tell you thay care about the issues. They'll vote Agism for national security, or they'll vote Sexism on health care issues, or they'll vote Racism for....what was it? Oh, yeah...change. Well, no matter which "ism" you choose as the standard-bearer

for the issues that matter most to you, it's inevitable. Some poor "ism" is going to loose. Right now, we're all patting each other on the back, pointing out what an enlightened, high-minded society we are, so close to electing the first "ism," but when the chips are down, some "ism" is going to cry foul. So, if you don't vote for Hillary Clinton, you'll hear about the plight of Sexism. If you don't vote for Obama, you'll hear about the evils of Racism. If you don't vote for McCain, there will be talk of the sad state o

f Agism in America. So, get behind your "ism," folks! Just remember. When you vote for one, you'll be voting against another. Well, probably not you. You'll be voting on the issues.

Political Sequels: The Election

2008-02-08T19:21:00.001-06:00

See if you can follow me, here...1976=2008 If the Democrats and moderates really want to rehash the sixties and seventies in an attempt to relive the "glory days," they may get their wish. Here's how it plays out, if History is any indication.

A war-weary nation, sick of contoversy and conscious of the environment, will turn away from the true conservative candidate to go for "the safe bet." He'll get his clock cleaned in November and a far-left liberal will take the White House. That president will not want conflict in Iran, but that president will surely get it. The economy will worsen, and our new liberal president will tell the American people it's our own fault, which will surely anger us. After four years of liberal failure, that forgotten conervative candidate will step forward once more, ushering a new era of American leadership. 2008 is 1976 all over again.

Dems Agree: America Needs A Change From Prosperity, Growth

2008-01-20T20:57:00.000-06:00

From Iowa to New Hampshire, from South Carolina to Nevada, the Democrat candidates for president all agree; they are the candidates for change. They also all agree America is ready for change, that we can't go on with the Status Quo. No more must America be burdened with such things like a record low unemployment rate of 4%. No more can America stand for victory against foreign enemies. We need to change the fact that Americans have so much personal liberty! And it's high time we, as Americans, stopped settling for all of this abundance and plenty! Is it fair that even the poorest of the poor here in America have it better off than most people in third world countries? We need change, people, and the Democrat party has promised it! Scared yet? I get the feeling that when Democrats talk about change, they're talking about the few pennies you get back after the IRS is done with you. They want to change our current health care system so that it more closely resembles a line at the post office or DMV. They'll tell you what doctor you can or can't see, provided you follow their health guidelines. They want to help the economy by soaking the rich, thereby making the rich stop investing in business and creating jobs. They'll punish those greedy oil companies for providing small business owners with gas station franchises to run. They want to pull us out of the war on terror to improve our standing in the world. After all, nothing says, "Don't Tread On Me" like tucking your tail and running. They will send a clear message to our allies that we won't be there for them. And of course, there are just too many Americans out there making their own decisions...Democrats will change all of that. Banning things like transfats and smoking was just a start. They promise to pass legislation banning smoking in your own car, "for the sake of the children," although they'd happily have applauded the abortions of those same children, because for Democrats, there just aren't enough of those happening. They'll change that, too. Democrats won't be happy until they "change" America into a larger version of Cuba. All I can tell you is, if you decide to sit this election out because there isn't a "perfect" choice, get ready for "change." Slogans are nice. Reality is better.

Don't Say It, Don't Even Think It (It May Be Illegal, Anyway)!

2008-01-01T14:03:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year, It's 1984, everyone! Actually, it's been 1984 for a couple of decades now, but I guess only a handful of us have noticed. For a lot of people, worrying about "Big Brother" means another new episode on CBS, but for those of us who trade in ideas, which can be more offensive than anything some bimbo in a bikini might say or do on T.V. to those in the land of PC, we are acutely aware that we are being listened to, if not watched. We laughed, at first, at the ridiculous social paranoia exhibited in the use of such expressions as, "hearing impaired," "weight-challenged," or "Native American." What was wrong with a little honesty? If you can't hear, you're deaf. If you weigh too much to be healthy, you're fat. If you ask the folks at AIM, the American Indian Movement, what they'd like to be called, they'll tell you; Shawnee, Quawpaw, Cherokee, Arapahoe, Ottawa, Delaware, and Miami are just a few names they like. We tried to show the absurdity of it all by referring to our scrambled eggs as "partial-birth abortions," or by calling the Clinton Administration "ethically challenged." People like George Carlin, Dennis Leary, Howard Stern, Don Rickles, and Don Imus have made careers out of being offensive, but now having a sense of humor can be dangerous, as Imus and others have found out. At worldnetdaily.com today, there is the story of Marc Howells, a former director of a company called Barclaycard, who was fired for telling an insensitive joke during a presentation on the firms' quarterly figures. The punchline? "The results were like Muslims - some were good, some were Shi'ite." That's an old one. Kids were telling that one when I was in High School during the first Gulf War. To me, it's not funny because it lacks imagination and borders on toilette humor. To Barclaycard, it's not funny because it might offend a Muslim and cause him to bomb a crowded coffee shop. Ok, maybe that sounded a little prejudiced. I'm sure there are a lot of Muslims out there who abhor coffee shops and resent the implication. The point is, why fire him? Did the firm lose money because of the bad joke? Did his lack of tact affect his ability to analyze Pie Charts? I've worked with jerks, too, but I never demanded they be fired for being jerks, unless they were incompetent jerks. "Lighten up," you might say to me. Good advice, you should take some. However, there is a more sinister PC monster that the crime of "hate speech" has given birth to, and its' name is "hate thought." Consider the implications of H.R. 1592, also known as the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act. According to the law, a preacher who claims homosexuality is an abomination could be indicted. That's hate speech. Moreover, if a person who hears that preacher goes out and commits a crime against a homosexual, the preacher might be considered an accessory. Why? Well, he may not have verbally encouraged violence, but he probably thought about it, besides, such speech could be construed as intimidation by any homosexuals listening. What now matters is the supposed intent of speech, which means thought. I can hear the lawyers in the court rooms now: "You may not have said witches and warlocks should be burned at the stake, but you were thinking it. Such dangerous thought, inferred from you calling Ms. Doe, quote, 'a sick witch," is what caused Mr. Doe to burn my client with a cigarette! I demand the maximum punishment according to the law!" Am I overreacting? Does this sound like hyperbole to you? Time will tell. One thing that I wonder is this...if Marc Howells had called some one a Jesus Freak instead of "insulting" Muslims, would he have lost his job? Well...you probably already know what I think. Let's just hope there's no law against it.

Big-Brained Primate Calls Birth of Christ "Legend"

2007-12-20T22:00:00.000-06:00

If you were the Archbishop of Canterbury, even an Archbishop who considered himself to be educated, enlightened, and well-read, you might take it upon yourself this Christmas to thank God for sending His Son Jesus Christ to save humanity from hellfire. You might take the opportunity, even if you have a liberal arts degree, to point out God's love for all of His children. OR, if you were Dr. Rowan Williams, you might grant interviews in which you tell the entire world that it all sounds quite nice, but it's just a "legend," and that, as most atheists argue, "you can't prove it!" Well, all I can say is, I can't prove Amelia Earhart is dead, but I just take it on faith. Don't get me wrong, I understand where he was coming from. When he says, in his interview with Simon Mayo of the BBC, "Christmas was when it was because it fitted well with the winter festival," he's talking about Saturnalia, the Roman feast in honor of their god Saturn. It makes sense. If I were a Roman emperor trying to convert people to Christianity, I wouldn't want to tick them off by yanking away a popular holiday. That's not the point, though, as even a primate like the good doctor should know. The point is not when we celebrate, or if the magi were kings, or if there was in fact a little drummer boy. The point is that we celebrate! It sounds to me as though the Archbishop is trying very hard to "fit in" with the secular left by showing off his big, fat, enlightened brain by opening his big, fat, enlightened mouth. We get it, you know your history and you have a healthy skepticism. What about faith, though, Dr. Williams? Why marginalize the rest of us who just believe, and celebrate that belief? Was it a good idea to try to score points with the seculars at a time when we are fighting for the right to say "Merry Christmas" to a sales clerk without getting sued? As my mother used to say, for the skeptic, no proof will ever be possible. For the believer, no proof will ever be necessary. I don't care if scholars want to debate the actual date that God sent His only son to be born and crucified for us, and it is to be expected that there will be doubters of the immaculate conception, but don't make the rest of us out to be a bunch of superstitious boobs because we believe that God could love us that much, that there could be miracles.

Save The Planet By Using Toxic Materials

2007-12-02T13:32:00.000-06:00

Algore, the High Priest of the Church of Global Warming, wants you to save energy by using Compact Fluorescent Light bulbs. They last longer, use less energy than the old-fashioned Edison light bulbs, which is good for the planet and your wallet, and they contain a toxic chemical. Wait-you didn't know? That's right, those cute little pigtail CFLs contain Mercury, which is known to adversely affect the brain, the spinal cord, the liver, and the kidneys. "Well, big deal," you might say, "the amount in those bulbs is probably safe, and besides, it's inside the bulb!" Right! Until one breaks. When a bulb breaks, the EPA warns people to leave the room right away and stay out for at least fifteen minutes, and when you do go in to clean up the mess, you practically need a HazMat suit. After you use your rubber gloved hands and duct tape to clean up, or if it just burns out and needs to be replaced, you should take it to a recycling center, which may be fifty miles away, depending on where you live. Are you going to do all of that? No, of course not. You're going to pick up the broken bulb with your bare hands, sweep up the rest with a broom, and put it in the trash which will be taken to a landfill, Mercury and all, to pollute the environment! "Well, come on," you may be thinking, "how likely is it that one of these things is just going to break?" Right again. It probably won't "just break." However, when my dog was chasing my cat, it tripped on the cord to the lamp on the table next to my sofa, causing the lamp to fall and the CFL bulb to break very near my youngest daughter. What are you going to do? Dogs chase cats. Accidents happen. Toxic, environmentally conscious accidents. I don't buy those pigtail bulbs anymore. I like my old-fashioned, incandescent, Edison bulbs. They may use more energy, but my house is lit at night, and if they break, my kids' mental development wont be affected. "But I want to do my part for the environment," you say. Fine. Take your chances with Mercury components. Maybe you're the kind of person who will actually drive the fifty miles to recycle one lousy light bulb. How many of those CFLs do you need to use in order to offset the carbon you just spewed into the air by driving that far? I'm just asking, don't get upset. Frankly, I think Algore has got you all bamboozled. The Earth doesn't need our protection, it's we, the consumers, that could use it. One last thing....I went to the store and looked, and I can't find one CFL that's made in America. They're pretty much manufactured in China, the country that gave us poisoned dog food, lead-filled toys, and virus-infected hard drives. Just thought I'd mention it.

Breaking News- Kennedy Still Dead

2007-11-23T12:12:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, in addition to being Thanksgiving Day (which was enough for me), was the anniversary of former President John F. Kennedy's death by an assassin in Dallas, Texas. What better way to mark the occasion than by suggesting another (GASP!) conspiracy? That's what I found at www.worldnetdaily.com, one of the web sites I check regularly for news and commentary. In fact, it was the lead story. I guess the story of President Kennedy's murder is still getting this much press 45 years later because...well, a lot of people liked him. That, and the fact that it was (cue Access Hollywood music) "caught on tape!"

People who are old enough to remember where they were when they heard that the president had been shot still seem to think back on that day as if they were survivors of some horrible event like Hurricane Katrina, and almost every one has an opinion as to what really happened. I don't want to downplay the tragedy of losing a President, I really don't mean to sound callous, but why are we still so wrapped up in this? I have never had a conversation with anyone that involved the words, "John Wilkes Booth did not act alone! I can prove it!" No one has ever come up with a vast Teddy Roosevelt conspiracy theory to explain the assassination of President McKinley, to my knowledge. Kennedy, though, is somehow different, and that's why, according to worldnetdaily, a former Illinois state trooper named Abraham Bolden has come out recently to tell us about the Cuban nationals plotting to kill the president just a few weeks before that day in Dallas. Apparently, Mr. Kennedy was supposed to be in Chicago on November 2nd, 1963, to watch the Army-Air Force game, but changed his plans due to an assassination plot, uncovered by former trooper and Secret Service agent Bolden. The short story is, it involved a motel room, some Cubans, a whole mess of automatic weapons, and the president's advertised route to Soldier Field. Thanks to the uncovering of this plot, the President changed his plans so he could be assassinated in Dallas instead. So...who killed Kennedy? Cubans? North Vietnamese? The Mafia? Joe DiMaggio? The Boys From Brazil? Vice-President Johnson? The CIA? Why, there's just no way Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone! I've heard so much about it now that it's gotten to be like OJ for me, I don't care who did it anymore. It seems like a lot of people wanted him dead, so unless Agatha Christie comes out and announces once and for all it was suspect X, I say we just let him rest in peace. I guess you could argue that because I didn't grow up with "Camelot," I can't fully appreciate that day in Dallas. I wasn't "there," man. You might say that I don't understand what a great leader he was, and you're right, I don't. In fact, other than getting killed in a convertible, the botched Bay of Pigs invasion, and a supposed affair with an also dead Hollywood bimbo named Marilyn, I've never read in any book about his great achievements as president. I'm not trying to be an iconoclast, here, but it's about time we let President Kennedy be dead and leave him that way. If you want to remember him, remember PT 109. Remember that he chose to serve his country, don't focus on the matted gore in his poor wife's lap. Stop looking under your beds for the bogeyman, you can't serve his memory very well that way, and it sure can't bring him back.

ACLU Pours Gasoline on Christmas, Catch Selves on Fire

2007-11-16T22:32:00.000-06:00

It's official, folks, the "turn the other cheek" rule has been met, for we are out of cheeks. I discovered on WorldNetDaily.com an interesting story by Bob Unruh about tiny little Fort Collins, a town mostly populated by Christians and Jews, which seeks, at least officially, to distance itself from its' constituency by chasing the chimera of "diversity." That's right , a city task force, led by an ACLU volunteer, wants to be more "inclusive" by excluding Christians and Jews. Originally, I made the assumption that by some mistake, the people voted for people that obviously don't represent them, but it' seems to me now, after a little thought, to be law suit driven. This is a disgusting example of "cover your ass syndrome," or CYAS. What does this task force want to enforce? Well...all lights must be white. Red and green are just to symbolic of Christianity (huh?). Garland is Okay, but it can't have any ribbons (huh?). Too symbolic. No Menorahs, no Christmas trees, no wreaths with bows on them will be allowed, and if you even whisper the word "Nativity," you will be branded an ignorant bigot. As reported in WND, Seth Anthony said, "I expect criticism from people who feel like we are taking Christmas away. And I expect we will get criticism from people who think educational display endorses religions," Anthony said. "(But) to the extent we can, recognizing that offending no one will be impossible, we want to be inclusive." Yeah...inclusive by EXcluding the very people who celebrate this holiday! Well, the duly elected Sheriff of Larimer County, Jim Alderden, will have none of it. He is reported as saying, ".....restricting symbols of Christian faith on public property is beyond the pale. In recognition and celebration of Christmas, members of the LCSO will be displaying a Christmas tree – not a holiday tree – on our front lawn at 2501 Midpoint Drive. We will be decorating the tree on December 1 at 10:00 a.m. and invite members of the public who share our faith or object to government intrusion into our religious freedoms to join us," he said. Let us not forget that the purpose of the Bill of Rights declares the right to freedom of religion, not freedom from religion. One of our founding fathers, John Adams, contributed to the constitution of Massachusetts by calling upon the "great legislator of the universe." I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about congress or the ACLU. As it turns out, the public agrees with their elected official. A quote I found on WND proclaims, "If the city council decided to not acknowledge Christmas on public grounds this year then all city offices should be open for business on Dec. 25th, white lights shining! Don't want to offend anyone by stopping city business for a day to celebrate a holiday not everyone believes in." Well said, citizen. I tell you what...I won't make a fuss about Christianity being displayed in public so long as the mailman shows up at my door on 25. December 2007, weekday or not. No overtime, no complaints, no excuses. Let's take it a step further...change the name of St. Paul, Minnesotta to Citizen Paul, Minnesotta! Would that make the ACLU happy? Maybe. But it seems obvious by public outcry that the more the ACLU and their ilk try to burn out religion from the public square, the more they find themselves tied to the stake. Why do they do it? All so some Muslim doesn't sue the city for a billion dollars for the mention of Christ on the day we celebrate His birth. The Sherriff has the right idea. No religious symbols on public property? Fine. Let every private citizen put the biggest Nativity scene they can on their front lawns. Try to ignore that.

The Last Time Hillary Was President

2007-11-07T18:54:00.000-06:00

I was talking with a gentleman the other day who seems to think Hillary Clinton will become our nation's next president, and I was interested to know why. "Well," the man said, "just look at the '90s...every thing was going great when Bill and Hillary were running things. I told him I thought he might be viewing the "good ole days" through rose-colored lenses, but I don't think he was listening, so I figured I'd provide some visual aids. Let's see, there was Waco...remember how well that went? Talk about bringing people to justice! Lemme think...um...oh, yeah, thanks to the way the Clinton administration handled Waco and Ruby Ridge, Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols decided to drive a Ryder truck with 5,000 pounds of explosives into the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, thus causing the deaths of 168 people and injuring 800 more. The slogan on McVeigh's t-shirt was Sic semper tyrannis. Boy, those Clintons sure do inspire feelings of patriotism and foster a certain kind of trust in government, don't they?

I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "come on, buddy, you can't really be blaming the Clintons for the actions of a few nut jobs!" Well...no...I guess not. Janet Reno, however....maybe. And who put her at the head of the Department of Justice? Oh, I almost forgot! The Battle of Mogadishu in 1993! This is where Osama ben Laden got the idea that America was just a pushover, a paper tiger. Judging by the events that followed the crash of two of our MH-60 Blackhawks, ben Laden decided Americans just don't have the stomach for war, at least not for very long. We lost just under 20 of our brave troops to a horde of brutal thugs (many more were injured)...funny though, when George Bush began it, it was to provide humanitarian aid. When the Clintons took over, Operation Provide Relief morphed into Operation Gothic Serpent, a nation-building mission. However, since it didn't go so smoothly, co-presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton decided we should tuck our tails and run.

I could mention some other fond memories of the "Decade of Clinton," things like Filegate, Whitewater, you know, but those facts seem to bore people. Let me dig down here in my memory bag, and...ah, there it is....MONICA! "I did not have sex with that woman. I did not lie to a Federal Judge. I did not bomb Iraq to get people's minds off of me not having sex with that woman." Oh, wait...yeah...he did do all of that! Some of you don't think it was a big deal...at least not the sex part. Okay, but committing perjury? C'mon. Defend that one.

Then, of course, there was little Elian. Forgot about him, didn't you? Did you also forget about the Federal agent pointing a machine gun at his head? Did you forget that a government SWAT team broke down the door to get a little boy staying with family so they could drag him back to Communist Cuba and Papa Fidel? Up until then, I was under the impression that the United States of America, even under a Democrat-run administration, promoted freedom and welcomed with open arms those fleeing tyrannical communist regimes. I guess little Elian is the only immigrant Democrats don't like.

I'll leave you with this image. The destroyer USS Cole, just three years old, roughly. Notice the gaping hole in its' side? Al Qaeda did that. Just a couple of guys in a rubber raft with a deep hatred for America, really. What did we do about it under the Clinton administration? Well...we offered a reward! Wowee, nothing says "don't tread on me" like a $5 million reward! Personally, I would have preferred a more Bush-like approach. But that's the 90s folks, the stuff you didn't want to remember about the Clinton years. Are you still excited at the thought of having Bill and Hillary Clinton running the country again? That's kind of what I thought.

Sen. Reid: Tremendous Abuse of Power Leads To Charity

2007-10-20T13:52:00.000-05:00

As should have been expected, democrats shot themselves in the foot and them claimed, "I meant to do that!" In yet another attempt to "defend the constitution" by shredding it, Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) sent a letter to Clear Channel intended to intimidate them into silencing Rush Limbaugh. At the very least, it demanded an apology from Rush for being critical of soldiers who are against the war, a bald-faced lie. Ooops. It backfired. Mark Mays, head of Clear Channel, gave the letter to Rush, who then auctioned it off for a military charity on eBay for over $2,000,000. Some of you may not really get what's happened here, so I'll spell it out. Democrats in congress wasted taxpayer time and money in congress expressing outrage at something a private citizen never even said. Then they used the power of government to intimidate the citizen's boss into firing him or making him take back what he never said, though he had every constitutional right to say it. It backfired, and the letter designed to threaten private business, private citizens, was used by the intended victims to raise money for a charity. This exposed the abuse of power, vindicated Limbaugh, helped the families of Marines and law enforcement, and embarrassed the 41 democrat signatories to the letter. How did Sen. Reid respond? "What could be a more worthwhile cause? I think it's really good that this money on eBay is going to be raised for this purpose. When I spoke to Mark Mays, he and I thought this probably wouldn't make much money, a letter written by Democratic senators complaining about something." Well! To hear him tell it, he's a freaking hero who had this all planned from the start! I'm sure he was sitting in his office last week thinking to himself, "you know, we need to raise money for the families of marines and law enforcement officers who have fallen in the line of duty. Obviously, the best way to do that is to tap dance on the Bill of Rights and abuse the power of government! I know! Let's try to get Rush Limbaugh fired, that ought to raise some funds!" Well...it's plausible. After all, it seems the only way democrats can win at anything is by smearing people and telling lies. Maybe he and the 40 other democrats really tried to use evil for a good cause. Or maybe they were exposed for the power-hungry hypocrites they are, maybe they got caught abusing the power they were given by the people, maybe they're a bunch of crooks caught in the act and they think if they just shrug their shoulders and say, "well, it all ended okay," we'll forgive and forget. Forget that they tried to stomp all over freedom of speech? Not even for $2,000,000, Harry. No way.

Robotic Politician Wins Medal For Peace By Scaring The Hell Out of Everyone

2007-10-12T19:32:00.000-05:00

Algore was awarded the Nobel peace prize today for his commitment to teaching people that we're all going to die in a few short years and it's all our fault because we live and breathe. Some people say the award is really for his award-winning documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth," which, ironically, is filled with "serious scientific inaccuracies, political propaganda and sentimental mush," according to British High Court judge Michael Burton (as reported by WorldNetDaily.com). Either way, all I can say is, at least they didn't give him the Nobel prize for science. If he were so worried about hot air, he'd shut his yap, that's all. Kids are loosing sleep because they think the SUV mommie drives them to school in is destroying the earth and killing polar bears thanks to this buffoon! Nobel prize for peace? He deserves a swift kick in the pants! Here's a guy who says the very act of human respiration-inhaling oxygen and emitting carbon dioxide, for those of you who forgot your 3rd grade science book, is going to turn the Earth into a giant fireball. Do you believe him? Then why do you talk to your plants? Here's the problem. For the most part, people are good and want to feel they are doing their part to make the world a better place. For a lot of people, just saying there is a problem is enough to atone for their perceived part in it. Some folks even go so far as to make sure they use the least amount of toilet paper possible to save trees. Some, however, feel the need to make preachy movies about junk science to scare the hell out of people and guilt them into accepting bigger government and useless carbon taxes. They just have to believe it, they have to....because if they listened to people like Dr. William Grey, a leading hurricane forecaster, they'd feel like boobs. Doesn't feel very good to learn you've been duped by a failed politician turned pseudo-scientist...it's easier to believe the lie. So, today Algore the Alarmist is celebrated, because he cares. Too bad someone who is actually doing something to secure peace didn't win. You know, someone like General Petraeus.

"Most Ethical Congress" Seeks Investigation Into Dangerous Thing Called "Free Speech"

2007-10-11T18:42:00.001-05:00

Here we go again, once more on the "Fairness Doctrine" merry-go-round. This is how it works with liberals like Harry Reid and Nacy Pelosi; If it's flag burning or pornography in the streets, it's free speech, but if a guy on the radio says he's tired of illegal immigration or says he's offended by porn in the streets it's hate speech. The thing that free speech and hate speech have in common , apparently, is that both are defined by liberals. Once you realise this, it should not be a surprise that Rep. Henry Waxman, Democrat, California, is reportedly launching an investigation on famed talk radio host Rush Limbaugh. That's right, the people who promised us back in January the most ethical congress in our country's history are wasting taxpayer time and money digging up dirt on one of their biggest critics in an attempt to shut him up. These self-proclaimed sentinels of our most sacred rights as citizens are the first ones to tell you they stand for freedom of speech and are invariably the first ones to try to take it away from you. "You can't say that! That's hate speech! That's not politically correct! Why, something has to be done about all of these people expressing their personal views! There ought to be a law! We need to launch investigations, hearings, hangings! How dare you say something I personally disagree with!" Calling themselves the Democratic Party is an insult to the very word "democratic." Now, I'm not really worried about Rush Limbaugh. He can take care of himself. As he said on his program, "It's a pretty serious charge that the chairman of the House Government Oversight Committee is going to compile reports and conduct investigations of private citizens who work on the radio." This is bigger than Rush, or Hannity, this threatens anyone who states an opinion, anywhere, anytime, in any forum. I've told you before, folks, if they succeed in resurrecting the Fairness Doctrine, it will spill over into the internet, into coffee houses, and even your overheard cell phone conversations. It has nothing to do with "fairness." It has everything to do with silencing the opposition. Conservatives like myself are usually called nasty names like "Nazi," but let me ask you this...what seems more American to you, offering up an opposing viewpoint or trying to silence it? Think about it.

"Indigenous Peoples" Mad At Dead Italian Explorer

2007-10-07T08:49:00.000-05:00

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day! Guess what?

According to an article on www.reuters.com by Keith Coffman, a handful of American Indians decided to display their outrage at a century-old peaceful demonstration in Denver by getting themselves arrested for disrupting it. Their apparent spokesman, an "Indian Activist" named Russell Means, claims that Christopher Columbus is personally responsible for a legacy of genocide, slavery, occupation, and death. Oh, yeah, and he's the bogeyman. Those are pretty serious charges, one has to admit, but I understand Columbus is guilty of a few other things, as well. For example, he is directly responsible for the spread of Christianity, capitalism, and for opening up the globe for exploration! Egad! Why hasn't someone dug him up and tossed his dusty bones in jail? On a side note, I noticed that the Ottawa Tribal Office here in my little corner of Oklahoma will be closed for Columbus day, and of course they'll all be in church this morning, but I'm pretty sure I heard their Casino will be open for business tomorrow. Still, I'm sure they're just as outraged at the destruction of their homeland as Mr. Mean. I'm sure they're all mad as hell that the discovery of the Americas by evil Europeans led to the rise of the most powerful, influential, democratic, and economically vibrant nation in the world in which the people are guaranteed the right to protest. Who could doubt the hatred they have in their hearts for Christopher Columbus as they leave the Baptist Church parking lot in their new gas-guzzling, polluting Hummers to get a buffalo burger at that little diner on Main Street that's run by "the white man." No doubt the many Indian casinos around the area are designed to give us a better understanding of their culture and the profits will be used to build sturdier wigwams and save the endangered..um...pidgeon. I'm sure they see no irony in hating Columbus at the same time they go on the line to price their next trip to Italy. Oh, well. Despite all of the "bad" that was done by Columbus, I'm still a grateful American, so until some boob changes Columbus, Ohio to Indigenouspeoplestown, Ohio, I'm still going to celebrate. How about you?

Joe Lieberman: Recovering Democrat

2007-07-31T19:58:00.000-05:00

Is Joe Lieberman the only liberal thinker out there who understands how foolish it is to put partisan politics before national security? In an interview with The Hill,

http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/lieberman-escalates-attack-on-iraq-critics-2007-07-31.html, he blasts his former liberal allies on their continued criticism of the president and the war. “I fear that some people take this position also because anything President Bush is for, they’ll be against, and that’s wrong,” said Lieberman, a staunch advocate of the war. “There’s a great tradition in our history of partisanship generally receding when it comes to foreign policy. But for the moment we’ve lost that.” That little quote, folks, explains it all. Liberal Democrats hate George Bush so much that they will blame him for anything, even a natural disaster, and anything he is for the will automatically be against. Hurricane Katrina? George Bush's fault. 9/11? George Bush's fault. Global warming? George Bush's fault. The sinking of Titanic? They're not sure they can prove it, but they know George Bush sank it. Liberals hate him so much that, even in the middle of a war against an evil enemy that wants all Christians and Jews dead, they can't bring themselves to admit that sometimes fighting is the only option. Because Joe Lieberman doesn't subscribe to the point of view that anything George Bush says or does is wrong, they hung him out to dry in the last election, even though he was the Democrat Party's choice for Vice President in 2000. Yet, as American voters seem to like a guy who has the courage to stand by his beliefs, he won his Senate seat as an independent. “I think either [Democrats] are, in my opinion, respectfully, naïve in thinking we can somehow defeat this enemy with talk, or they’re simply hesitant to use American power, including military power,” Lieberman was quoted as saying by The Hill. Well, maybe, but it's more likely that no Democrat wants to be caught siding with the president. Lieberman is so put off by this that he hasn't ruled out jumping ship entirely and becoming a Republican. Keep in mind, by the way, that Joe Lieberman is in no way, shape, or form a conservative. That has to say something for the direction the Democrat party is going, don't you think? Could he become the first nationally recognized liberal Republican? I wonder if there's a support group for that.....

Peruvian Children Die As Global Warming Causes Deadly Cold Snap

2007-07-26T19:37:00.000-05:00

I wonder if Algore has heard about this one. According to the BBC, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6916717.stm, "At least 70 children have died during a spell of freezing weather in the Andean regions of Peru." That's right, folks, freezing temperatures in South America are killing people. According to this article, this is taking place up in the Andes, so some of you might be thinking, "hey, it's the mountains, it gets pretty cold there." Not so fast. The article goes on to say that, "Even low-lying jungle regions are facing unusually cold weather, with temperatures dropping to 10C (50F). " Yep, 50 degrees in the jungle! Okay, you global warming kooks out there, show me how a deadly cold snap in South America that is supposed to last through September is caused by man-made global warming. Explain to me how my car and my wife's minivan and our carbon footprint is giving small children in Peru pneumonia. I can already hear you, "Well, Mr. Johnson, you arrogant, bombastic, capitalist pig, it has to do with extreme 'climate change.' All of the carbon dioxide humans like yourself spew into the atmosphere is shaking things up so badly that poor old Mother Nature doesn't know what to do! There's a balance, Mr. Johnson, and you aren't doing your part. That's why those poor third world kids are dying." Does that about sum it up? You people are so quick to believe in global warming because of the guilt that Algore and the doom-and-gloom media tell you that you should be feeling thanks to human progress! You expect me to feel guilt for my carbon footprint? Let me tell you a little secret. Shhhhh.... let me whisper it in your ear. HUMAN BEINGS BREATH OXYGEN AND EXHALE CARBON DIOXIDE! THAT"S HOW RESPIRATION WORKS! AND THE TREES ACTUALLY NEED IT TO LIVE! MY EXHALING IS NOT KILLING THE PLANET, YOU STUPID MOOKS! So go to Hell. When you get there, you may experience a little warming, but don't blame it on the rest of us.

Closed Due To Flood

2007-07-05T13:34:00.000-05:00

Sorry, everyone, but since my house was covered in flood water, I'll be unable to provide snarky comments and sage political analysis for a while. Please pray for us and our home. Thanks!

25. July 2007 UPDATE:

Well, obviously the water has receeded, but our house has a red tag on it. That means it will be a little while yet before I can secure a place for us to live, so please be patient while I scout the real estate market. The Blog Of The Union Address Will Return!

26. July 2007 UPDATE:

Thanks for all of your prayers and good wishes! We are in the process of buying property far away from any bodies of water, and I'll be posting within the hour!

Religion of Peace Rejoyces Over Bombings

2007-06-30T11:44:00.000-05:00

You know, it's funny...I keep hearing people say that Islam is a religion of peace, but every time Muslims are offended by something, they react by advocating murder. Here's an example: a guy by the name of Abu Osama al-Hazeen posted in a chat forum, "Today I say: Rejoice ... By Allah London shall be bombed." Why would any peace-loving person say something like this? Because Salman Rushdie was Knighted by the queen of England, that's why. You remember him, don't you, the guy who wrote a work of fiction called The Satanic Verses which angered a bunch of Muslims who called for his assassination? Yup, this book offended the peace-loving Muslims, and when Muslims are offended, they kill people. This al-Hazeen guy says the English were asking for it, saying, "Is Britain longing for Al Qaeda's bombings? We, and the whole world has seen what Britain has done ... their intention to honour Salman Rushdie who insulted and slandered Islam. " Somebody wrote a book Muslims don't like, therefore a whole nation should be bombed, is that what I should infer from this? According to Rosie O'Donnell, radical Christians are just as dangerous as radical Muslims, but I don't remember any car bombings happening when The DaVinci Code was published, do you? Sure, some people picketed outside theaters when The Last Temptation of Christ came out, but nobody died and nothing blew up. Sorry, Rosie, I have got to disagree with you. Muslims, on the other hand, threatened violence on the Pope for quoting a guy who has been dead for centuries, but we keep being reminded that they are a religion of peace. It's like pointing at a duck and saying, "hey, that's a duck," and the duck angrily says, "no, I'm not (quack)!" So why is everyone so quick to defend these guys? Because we don't want to offend the Muslims. We all know what happens when you offend the religion of peace.

Crazy Venezuelan Bastard Prepares For War With Uninterested Super Power

2007-06-25T19:07:00.000-05:00

Get This.

Hugo Chavez, the Mussolini of South America, is preparing for a war with the U.S., according to a story from worldnetdaily.com. He got all dressed up like G.I. Joe and told his soldiers, "We must continue developing the resistance war, that's the anti- imperialist weapon. We must think and prepare for the resistance war everyday." The funny thing to me is, this guy thinks we care. Look at this guy. I'd be more threatened if I saw Mr. Potatohead wearing a red Beret. Come on, Hugo, this really is a bit like an ant gearing up for war against an Elephant. Until he called our president the devil, I never gave him a second thought, did you? If I did, it was something like, "Venezuela? Who the hell cares about Venezuela?" Anyway, this twerp apparently thinks we care enough about them to attack them, because Venezuela just bought up a whole mess of junky old Russian weapons for $3 billion dollars ("is bargain, comrade, Buy 100,000 Kalashnikov rifles, get 1 SU-30 Sukhoi fighter jet free!") . Chavez was quoted as saying, "The American empire is doing all it can to consolidate its system of domination. And we cannot allow them to do that. We cannot allow world dictatorship to be consolidated." This coming from a guy who tells his citizens what T.V. channels they can watch. Pot, meet kettle. Listen, Venezuela, America is NOT coming to kill you, trust me. In fact, we're going to start burning our food in our gas tanks so that we don't even need your oil, okay? That Castro-loving crazy needs a good kick in the pants, but not from America, from his own people. Unless he was harboring Osama ben Laden. Then it would be his ass.

Refusing to Assimilate

2007-06-17T09:48:00.000-05:00

Surprise, surprise. Someone suggests a way to make it easier for Spanish speaking immigrants to assimilate, and the "Latin Community" gets angry. According to foxnews.com, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was quoted Wednesday night at the annual convention of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists as saying, "You've got to turn off the Spanish television set...You're just forced to speak English, and that just makes you learn the language faster." He was attacked, of course, by California Democrats and special interest groups, being called "ignorant" and "naive," because, as a spokesperson for Univision, a U.S.-based Spanish-language television network put it, "Spanish-language media helps Hispanics stay connected to their cultural heritage and important public information." Yeah, and puts money in the pockets of...Univision. All of this talk about staying connected to heritage is crap, folks. Look, the Italian and Jewish immigrants of days gone by had no problem staying connected to their heritage despite the lack of Italian or Yiddish programming on the air. In fact, because they didn't have a crutch like a TV station broadcasting in their native tongue, they and their children learned the English language and flourished within a generation. That's part of the reason we don't have street signs and billboards in German, or Polish, or Gaelic. I don't know about you, but if i were to move to Russia, I would not get upset because I couldn't get the local weather broadcast in English. Here's another response reported by Fox: "Francisco Hernandez, an immigration attorney, said there’s nothing wrong with encouraging immigrants to learn English but there’s no need for 'immigrant bashing... We have to remember that Spanish is part of this country’s heritage. There’s nothing wrong with it.'" What a load of crap. Sure, maybe if you go all the way back to 1492, but this isn't about Columbus or the Alamo, this is about being a strong nation united by it's borders, language, and national identity. I have no patience for anyone who tells me that people marching in the streets with Mexican flags and shouting protests in Spanish are just trying to "connect with their heritage." Schwarzenegger critics say that enough isn't done by the government to help immigrants learn English, but I say it's not the government's job to help you learn English, it's the immigrants' responsibility. People from all over the globe come to this country, learn to speak English without the aid of government, and prosper by assimilating into the dominant culture without losing their sense of pride in their own distinct heritage, but by embracing American heritage. Everyone else gets it. Why do Spanish-speaking immigrants feel they should get special treatment? Because they choose not to assimilate. I say leave Arnold alone. After all, he's an immigrant, too, remember?

Google Search George Carlin Immigration Gas Iraq Chain Letter Hoax

2007-06-10T16:12:00.000-05:00

Here, once again, Googlers, is your answer, as quoted from George Carlin's site.

"Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. Don't blame me. " Read it at http://georgecarlin.com/home/home.html You know, about 75% of the traffic I receive is about this chain letter hoax. Some people come here to read my thoughts on Pelosi and the Logan Act, one or two have been here to read about the Wallonia BBQ Tax hoax, and every now and then, someone pops by to read about the Anbar Awakening. All worthy topics, mind you, but the amount of energy people put into the George Carlin chain letter hoax on saving gas by drafting all illegals into the army is astounding. Who actually wrote it? No one knows. If this is such a great idea, though, why didn't the author of this rant take credit for it? Easy. If Joe Blow says something as heated as, "The best way to stop Using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants," who's going to listen? It would probably end in a bar fight, and that would be the end of it. However, if you credit it to a famous comedian, suddenly your message has weight! Send it around as an e-mail chain letter, and your idea has become a phenomenon. And if people challenge the idea as being racist or offensive, well, you can always blame Carlin and say, "Hey, it was only a joke!" Whatever the intent of the author, he or she succeeded in getting a lot of attention, especially George Carlin's. By remaining anonymous, the hoaxer has created an explosion of searches on Google, which means the message is getting around. Personally, while I think the chain letter is extreme in tone and principle, I do believe offering military service as a path to citizenship is a good idea. Obviously, a lot of people agree with that. I say what you should be doing, instead of Googling the chain letter, is e-mailing your congressman. But if you want to read the letter, it can be found in my post for Wednesday, March 21, 2007 in my archives. There. Now your Google search is over. You're welcome.

The Battle For Jericho Is Over!

2007-06-08T18:54:00.000-05:00

The theme for what was to be Jericho's last episode on CBS was, "if you value it, fight for it, and never give up." In a one word answer to a threat, Jake Green quotes a WWII general by telling the enemy, "NUTS!" In keeping with the spirit of this bold answer, when CBS announced Jericho would be cancelled, fans sent not just letters and e-mails, but...nuts. Thousands of them. We fans fought hard to get Jericho back, and finally won, but, CBS warns, it's our job as loyal fans to recruit more viewers. The quote from the official statement reads, "We will count on you to rally around the show, to recruit new viewers with the same grass-roots energy, intensity and volume you have displayed in recent weeks." Ok, fine, I'll tell my friends, but I thought it was networks that are responsible for advertising and promoting. CBS seemed truly awed and humbled by their collective dismissal of the loyalty and passion of the Jericho fan base in the opening to the statement, which starts, "Wow! Over the past few weeks you have put forth an impressive and probably unprecedented display of passion in support of a prime time television series. You got our attention; your emails and collective voice have been heard. As a result, CBS has ordered seven episodes of “Jericho” for mid-season next year. In success, there is the potential for more. But, for there to be more “Jericho,” we will need more viewers." Ok, thanks for listening to your viewers, for bringing back our favorite show. Here's how you get some buzz. Get Katie Couric to report on the "Save Jericho" campaign and show those who aren't watching just how loyal the fan base is, what we did, the response, and show them all of those nuts! People watching the news will say to themselves, "Huh. I can't believe the fans did all of that. That show must be pretty good, I'll have to check out the re-runs this summer. Of course, I'm no Madison Avenue Ad Man, but I think it could work. In the meantime, my thanks to CBS and my fellow fans who brought Jericho back to life. If you're not watching, you should. If you believe in America, in self-reliance, in fighting for what you believe in, and good television, you will love Jericho. If you believe in none of those things, tune in, and maybe you will begin to believe.

CBS Execs Loose Their Damn Minds, Cancel Only Great Show

2007-06-04T19:24:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's true. Sad to say, but Jericho will not have a season two. I don't think there has ever been a show on television that captured my attention so immediately and held it for so long, and if you were a kid like me, it's not hard to see why. I grew up during the Cold War, when the threat of global nuclear war was always hovering over our heads, during the Iran hostage crisis, when, on the CBS evening news, I watched as young Arab radicals burned our flag and proclaimed America the Great Satan. The nation was still licking the wounds of Viet Nam, scared by an energy crisis, tired of losing economic ground to foreign countries, and angry at Jimmy Carter for telling us it was all our fault. If you grew up in these times, too, you probably know, as I know, that Jericho maybe fiction, but it's pretty close to being a prediction. Add to that a superior cast of actors and actresses, exceptional dialogue, realistic outcomes, and enough mystery to keep a person in suspense to the very point of screaming at the T.V., "Oh! I've got it! Hawkins is in league with the Chinese," and you have got a show that beats the tar out of 24 any day of the week. So why would CBS cancel such a show? Well...one angry viewer believes CBS is run by liberals who don't want to seem sympathetic to the president and the war on terror. Another suggests that it's part of a conspiracy. Some people blame CBS for pitting such a show against American Idol. I'm not in the mind of CBS execs, so I can't say why they cancelled it, but I can tell you this: NBC tried to cancel Quantum Leap and were met with scores of angry viewers holding signs that read, "Keep The Leap!" Not only did the show survive, it now lives on and does well on the SCI-Fi Network. Folks, let me tell you something. I've often said that we don't live in a democracy, we live in a republic, but this time the people really have a say. Here's what I want you to do. Don't just go to CBS and bitch, go to Proctor & Gamble, or Chase Manhattan, and tell them you want Jericho back. If they don't put the money back into Jericho, assure them they will loose money. Then make it happen. Normally, I'm against boycotts, but just this once, I'm willing to compromise to support good television. Jericho is the one show on Television that spoke to Americans without speaking down to them, and it had a huge future, not to mention a huge following and incredible social relevance. Save This show, people. It's more important than American Idol, and more important than you know.

Tell Your Congressman

2007-06-02T10:39:00.000-05:00

Well. I knew that people had strong feelings about illegal immigration, but I had no idea that a stupid chain letter would get everyone so worked up. Lots of you have been coming here looking for George Carlin's opinion on illegal immigration, saving gas, and the war on Iraq, and I tried to clear things up, but you still keep coming. Let me try again. GEORGE CARLIN DID NOT WRITE THAT CHAIN LETTER ABOUT SAVING GAS BY DRAFTING MEXICANS INTO OUR ARMY! Loud enough for you? Here, once again, in case you missed it, is George Carlin's address. You can go to his site and ask him yourself. http://www.georgecarlin.com/home/home.html I hope that settles it. All I was saying was the author of the hoax had a point about a clear path toward citizenship. I do not advocate shipping Mexicans over to Iraq for the purpose of getting them killed to save us a buck on fuel. Jeez! Didn't any of you read past the text of the chain letter? This is not a new problem, folks, it's been going on for generations in this country. Did you know there was a time in American history when it was worse to be an Irish immigrant in New Orleans than a black man? True story. The shopkeepers would have signs in the windows that read, "Help Wanted: No Irish Need Apply." They had to form their own city, which is now the Irish Channel near the Garden District. The same thing happened with the Italians when they came here. We almost went to war with Italy because Italian immigrants were tried for murdering New Orleans police chief Hennessey. No racial or ethnic group has the patent on persecution, folks, heck, even the pilgrims were running from something. My point is this: If you want to come to America to find a better life for yourself, I applaud you, but you have to do it legally. One way we could make it easier is by offering service in our military as one path towards citizenship. If you are willing to die for this country, that shows a dedication some natural born citizens just don't have. Once again, I do not suggest that we round up all illegal immigrants and draft them, not even if gas prices go to $5 a gallon. I was just suggesting an alternative the the present situation, which is clearly not working. As to the author of the George Carlin chain letter hoax, I can't speak for that person, but if you agree with them, don't come to me. Tell your congressman.

Holy Crap! Algore Is Right!

2007-05-25T19:42:00.001-05:00

Holy crap! Algore said something I actually agree with! According to Breitbart.com, he was quoted as saying, "What is it about our collective decision-making process that has led us to this state of affairs where we spend much more time in the public forum talking about -- or receiving information about -- Britney Spears shaving her head or Paris Hilton going to jail?" Well...he's right. Of course, anyone who knows me knows I think global warming is a bunch of crap, so this one instance is probably the only time the former Veep and I will see eye to eye, but I have to give him credit for this one, especially since MTV and Hollywood are what got him and Clinton into the White House. Mind you, he brought this up at his own big-time celebrity book signing in New York, where he was given the Hollywood treatment himself, but at least he's not lost sight of, in his words, "[the] destruction of the boundary between news and entertainment." I mean, here we are in the middle of a war, and people care more about what Rosie O'Dumbass and Elizabeth Hasslebroad think than what's actually going on in Iraq. Ground-breaking abortion legislation goes through in Oklahoma, but most people are busy googling Paris Hilton, not writing their state representatives. When I turn on the radio, I don't want to hear about Mel the jew-hating Gibson, KKKramer, or Anna Nicole's dead body. I don't care how many squares of toilet paper Sheryl Crow uses, and I don't care if Britney Spears is communicating with beings on Mars. Algore may be wrong about global warming, but he's right about America's addiction to these circus freaks we call "celebrities." Then again, it looks like he's on his way to joining them.

Honor Them

2007-05-25T19:42:00.000-05:00

When you're firing up the grill this weekend or piling the kids into the car to go to the beach this weekend, I want you to think about something.

3,415 service members have died so far in Operation Iraqi Freedom. 47,424 died in Viet Nam. 33,741 died in Korea. This weekend, we honor those who have fought and are fighting for our country, most of them just kids when their nation called on them, many of them grandfathers now, and so many who have fallen. I'm not going to go into a big rant about why we need to be in Iraq or Afghanistan today, because that isn't what this weekend is for. Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen are not asked what they think about doing their job, they just do it, and they do it well. Be proud of them, even if you think Viet Nam was wrong, even if you think the South will rise again, everyone owes these brave men and women a debt of gratitude, or at the very least, a great deal of respect. So, no debate for me this weekend, I don't care how you feel about the war. To every service member, past, present, and future, I say, "thank-you, and God bless America."

Loose Lips Sink Ships

2007-05-23T19:39:00.000-05:00

Here's the headline for "The Blotter" at abcnews.com:

"Bush Authorizes New Covert Action Against Iran"

Do you see what's wrong with this?

This would never have happened back in 1941, folks. For some reason, in this age of instant information and reality T.V. shows, people think we have the right to know everything, and know it now. Apparently, journalists leave their scruples in the dorm room when they graduate, because I can see no reason for reporting on the world wide web that "The CIA has received secret presidential approval to mount a covert "black" operation to destabilize the Iranian government..." Does ABC News believe that the government of Iran has not yet discovered that a thing called "the Internet" exist and that the information on it is free and easy to obtain, unlike classified national security intelligence? What the hell is going on here, people, what eve happened to the words "top secret?" For crying out loud, the Iranian government doesn't even need spies, all they have to do is go to the front door and pick up the morning newspaper! ABC News is one of those organisations that is constantly reminding us how awful war is, and yet here they are reporting on intelligence that could cause an international incident! Aaaarrgh! Why don't they just change the name to the Al-Jazzira Broadcasting Company and be done with it? Even if you are against the war, any war, why would you feel compelled to put American lives in jeopardy by reporting this stuff? ABC goes on to say that "Still, some fear that even a nonlethal covert CIA program carries great risks." Gee. You think so? Maybe that's why it was supposed to be a SECRET, you JACKASSES! There used to be a saying in times of war; "Loose lips sink ships." It means, "keep your big mouth shut or you'll kill a thousand of our boys. Shame on you, ABC News. Freedom of the press is one thing, but irresponsibility in journalismis another.

Tin Ear? It's Called "Resolve."

2007-05-20T18:22:00.000-05:00

The Speaker of the Blouse is at it again. According to an article on breitbart.com, Speaker Pelosi accused the president of having selective hearing by saying he has a "tin ear." I suppose she's upset because the president refused to compromise, and I could understand that if we were talking about anything other than the war. In war, there can be no compromise, you either win or you lose. Compromise in warfare would be like saying, "hey, I tell you what, we'll only kill you on Tuesdays and Thursdays if you promise not to use soccer balls and baby dolls as bombs." Yeah, right. Wanna shake on it? Anyway, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell gets it. "Look," he said, "we need to have a compromise if we want to get the job done before Memorial Day. We know how to get there. It's to take out the surrender date. Any kind of reasonable benchmarks on the Iraqi government I think are going to have broad bipartisan support. That's clearly the way to get there." You see? By "compromise," he means, "we get what we want, and you get hosed." I'm sick of hearing about compromise. We didn't compromise with Adolf Hitler. We didn't make a deal with Hirohito. We didn't "come to terms" with dictators the way the Speaker would like to do. No. We bombed them until they gave us an unconditional surrender. This is a problem for Pelosi, who says "when it comes to the war in Iraq, the president has a tin ear. He just cannot hear, except that which he wants to hear on it." That's because, Madame Speaker, he is the Commander in Chief of our armed services and he's trying to wage war on a deadly enemy! If she gets her way, all the enemy has to do is go underground, mark our surrender on their calenders, and wait. The president knows this, and, since it is his duty to win this war, he rejects any planned withdrawal date. That's not selective hearing, it's resolve. He refuses to lead by public opinion polls, and that's called having the courage of his convictions. I, for one, don't want a "deal." I want victory. Then again, my hearing's pretty bad, too.

George Carlin Calls Chain Letter Hoax " just plain stupid"

2007-05-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

Once and for all, folks, George Carlin is not the author of the chain letter your friends keep sending you. Don't believe me? Go to his website and see for yourself. Go on, I'll wait right here, the link is below.

http://georgecarlin.com/home/home.html

See? Told you so. I kind of suspected it from the start, back when a friend of mine sent me one of these chain letters attributed to Mr. Carlin, and I expressed my doubt in a post from back on Wednesday, March 21, 2007, although I think the author had a valid point about a clear path to citizenship. What I didn't know was that there are other "statements" attributed to good old George. Along with gas and Mexicans, he is also listed as the author of "Paradox of our Time," "I'm A Bad American," and "Katrina Hurricane Rules." So how does he feel about being "emulated" in this way? Carlin says on his website, "because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it." So, the question is, why, if this person feels so strongly about these issues, don;t they put their own name on these articles, or essays, or whatever they are meant to be? I think it falls under the same category as "ass-covering." When you say something that is politically and socially charged as "send all Mexican immigrants to Iraq," you may not get the glowing support of the PC police, but if you say George Carlin said it, well, hey, you're just quoting a source, right? The problem is, Carlin then has to cover his own ass by denying it, because he doesn't need Al Sharpton breathing down his neck like a dragon in heat, so now your message is lost in the world of Internet controversy and no one even remembers what the point was. Anyway, here's my question for all of you people out there who keep googling this topic; do you agree or disagree with the author, and if so, why? I really want to know, because nine out of ten of you have come here because of that topic, not because of my global warming posts, or presidential politics. E-mail me at achristensenjohnson@hotmail.com and tell me what you think of this hoax and its' message and let's have an honest debate. And don't worry, if you post a comment as George Carlin, I promise i won't "out" you...I'll let George do that.

Don't You Believe It!

2007-05-17T19:43:00.000-05:00

I know most of you who find this site are not what you'd call "regular readers," so I'll just go ahead and make it known right now. I think global warming is a load of crap. There. Now that we have that out of the way, you can either go back to google and find people you already agree with, or you can stick around and learn. In all of my posts, I have tried to educate you lemmings about the global hoax known as "climate change," and I always think I've presented the most insane scare tactics conceivable, but this one takes the cake. According to metro.co.uk, we only have FIVE YEARS to save the Earth. That's right, if we don't get Johnny Appleseed out globetrotting with his seeds by noon tomorrow, we're all going to fry. A source in this article, James Leape, WWF Internationals' Director General, was quoted as saying, "We have a small window of time in which we can plant the seeds of change, and that is the next five years. We cannot afford to waste them. " Okay. Go back to my post from Sunday, March 11, 2007. I told you about an article in the Toronto Sun by Lorrie Goldstein which explains that even if we planted a grove of trees the size of Alaska, they wouldn't absorb the carbon output of the passengers on one coast to coast flight for 50 years! Well, folks, if we only have five years left, we're already screwed! Look, this is just another scare tactic designed to get every one to accept the carbon taxes government wants to levy. They do this all the time. Think of all of the sci-fi movies that have come out predicting that the world would be a wasteland by 1995. Remember the Mad Max movies? Remember Waterworld? Science fiction is fun, folks, but that's all the theory of global warming is, it's science fiction. Go to realclimate.com, and you'll read the threads of these scientists who, for the most part, earnestly believe that global warming is happening, but keep arguing over what the data actually means. They think they have the answer, they just don't know why, and they can't prove anything. I've done my own modest research, and from what I gather, sometimes the earth is cold, and sometimes the earth is warm, and there's an apparent cycle to it. Maybe you've heard of Orbital forcing, maybe you haven't...but I'll bet you've heard of Summer and Winter. But listen, even if I'm wrong, it doesn't matter. We didn't create the earth, and we certainly can't destroy it. Only God can do that. If and when he decides to, well...you think planting trees and using ethanol is gonna stop him? Don't you believe it.

Nevermind Harry, Send Shaun

2007-05-16T18:49:00.000-05:00

Talk about an "about face!" It looks like Prince Harry won't be going to Iraq after all, according to both Sky News and Fox News. Apparently, General Sir Richard Dannatt, as head of the Army, has reservations about sending the prince to a place where people have promised to find him and cut off various body parts, as well as anyone else who happens to be near him. I can't say I blame him, although I was looking forward to the new reality show they were going to make out of the footage. Well, never mind that. I've got the perfect replacement for him. Shaun of the Dead. He may not be a royal, and he may not have any military training, but give him a cricket bat, and he's good to go. If he can cause lethal damage with a vinyl LP, just imagine what he could do with actual weapons! As for Harry, well, I'm sure that the army has plenty of filing and peeling for him to do, so he'll maintain his honor by merely remaining in the service. According to Sky News, the insurgents "had detailed plans to seize the Prince as hostage, even boasting that they had informants in the British camps who would tell them of his movements." Obviously, sending him to Iraq with a bunch of cameras following him around is a serious threat to himself and his fellow soldiers. Shaun, however, while famous, is not on any jihadist hostage list that I'm aware of, so he can go in there and bash heads without endangering others or the monarchy. I look at it this way...the Royal Marines surrendered, James Bond is on "holiday," and Shaun is about the only hero the Brits have left. C'mon, General...how 'bout it?

Prince Harry To Star In War-Time Reality Show...Fergie Pissed!

2007-05-14T19:33:00.000-05:00

Well, it was bound to happen. We all knew sending a member of the Royal family into a battlefield could get him shot. I just didn't expect it to be from a camera crew. Yes, the gallant Prince will have his own reality television show, forever capturing on film the true strength of the British nobles and their people. Some say this could make things even more dangerous for the prince...after all, terrorists are already placing bets on who will be the first to cut off a royal body part, but Harry's more annoyed by the attention than worried about his appendages. He says he's just there to fight, and judging by the picture to the left, I'd have to say I believe him. He looks more like Dirty Harry than Prince Harry. Still, I hope Harry lets the cameras roll, because it would be nice to see the royals in a flattering light again. Every time you hear about a member of the royal family, it's always something like, "Charles is having an affair," or, "the Duke of Windsor wears a dress, " or, "the prince dressed up like Hitler for Halloween." Ever since Charles and Diana split up, I felt so embarrassed for these people, and I'm not even English! So, lead your soldiers into battle, good prince, like kings of yore, and let the cameras catch all of the glory. After all, I like you Brits, but you could frankly use a little good PR, for a change. Besides, most everyone is tired of seeing pictures of Fergie on the tabloids...except for me...I think the Duchess looks pretty terrific after losing all of that weight.

The Preventive Defense Project

2007-05-12T19:20:00.000-05:00

You know, I used to chuckle at the people who stockpiled bottled water and built panic rooms back in 1999. Remember the big Y2K scare? It seemed so ridiculous, every one being so panicked about a simple computer error, at least to me. Well, I've changed my mind after watching the CBS television show Jericho, and it looks like the government has been watching, too. I've learned from an article in the San Francisco Chronicle that there is, indeed, a deep feeling of concern by government and military officials that Americans should plan for chaos. On Jericho, almost every single major American city (and some minor ones) is obliterated by a nuclear explosion. Even if you haven't seen the program, I'm sure you can imagine the impact after considering what happened in the wake of hurricane Katrina and 9/11. This nonpartisan, joint Stanford-Harvard program, called "the Preventative Defense Project," isn't so much a plan for "prevention," or even "defense," despite the fact that retired Vice Adm. Roger Rufe of Homeland Security is involved. It seem to me to be more of a "clean-up and contain" plan. The phrases that stuck out in the article were "restoring calm," "how to act even if transportation and communication systems break down," and "restrict civil liberties and enforce a sort of martial law." Well....okay. Sure, I guess any plan is better than no plan. Besides, the boys in Washington have done a pretty good job of preventing attacks so far... Anyway, the point is, at least they're thinking. An ounce of prevention was just what we needed in New Orleans, as far as evacuation goes, but the city was still laid to waste, so I guess it's a good idea to have a plan for "The Day After." Katrina survivors will remember that, bizarre as it was to go to the local Winn Dixie to buy some groceries and to be met at the doors by armed soldiers, it was also a relief. Just being able to drive down the street again and see a traffic cop waving you slowly on past the crew restoring the power lines gave you confidence. Imagine, if you will, a nuclear device has been detonated in downtown Tulsa, and the survivors have no roads in or out, no food, no drinkable water, no source of reliable information, and no security. Words like "across the bridge" and "three blocks away" no longer have meaning anymore, because all landmarks have been vaporized. Well...I don't know about you, but I'd be begging for martial law. In the meantime, though, I would like to apologise to all of you Y2K kooks. I'm going o Wal-Mart to stock up on soup, water, and toilet paper. See y'all in the cellar.

Continental Currency?

2007-05-10T18:38:00.000-05:00

I love money. Especially cash. There's just nothing like the feel of a fat wallet, and not the bulk that plastic creates, but that good, light-weight feeling you get from good old fashioned American greenbacks. They tried to take away my Washingtons with those goofy Sacajewea coins, but every one pretty much agreed that they were a pain in the neck. I guess I would have adjusted, though, because at least it would've been American currency. There's a growing number of people who think the idea of a central North American Bank is the wave of the future, and the name for this currency, which has been tossed around for a while, now, is "the Amero." What? No way. You're not going to pay me in anything but dollars! There's a guy, his name is Benn Steil, who seems to think it's the only way to sustain the global economy. "In order to globalize safely," the fool says, "countries should abandon monetary nationalism and abolish unwanted currencies, the source of much of today's instability." Hmmm. I thought "the source of much of today's instability" was unstable countries. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think it's wise to put our money in the same piggy bank as Nicaragua, or even Mexico. What kind of purchase power does the Peso have, can anyone tell me? Do you know the current exchange rate? Currently one U.S. dollar is equal to 10.81400 in pesos. We even beat out the Canadians by about ten cents. You know what happens around here when you try to pass off a Canadian quater at the gas station? The hand it back as politely as they can, and they refuse to accept it as payment! Why? Because it's WORTHLESS here, it's not American money! You can tell by the look in the cashiers' eyes, they're thinking, "nice try, pal." Take a peso to a vending machine and try to buy a Coke with it. Go on, I'll wait here. (Imagining elapsed time) Well? See? It wouldn't take the peso, would it? So, if we go ahead with this ridiculous plan, how much will the "Amero" be worth? Can I buy a hot dog at a ball game with it? Besides, what will be the standard on which we base the currency's worth, the Mexican economy, the Canadian economy, or are we just going to eliminate our borders and make a new United States of Canmexica? Who's face will be on the "Amero," Christopher Columbus, or Montezuma? "We Are The World" my ass, we're the United States of America, and we should stay that way, pennies and all. Yeah, I like pennies, too. Sure, they cost more to make then they're worth, but what do you want to do, it's still 1/100th of a dollar, and it's mine. Keep American currency, strengthen American borders, not erase them, and promote patriotism whenever and wherever you can.

But Can He Write A Line Of Code?

2007-05-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

You here a lot of talk these days about how sophisticated kids are. On the television, the soccer mom selling furniture polish tells you how amazing it is that kids are "computer savvy" at age three. That lady? She's an actress. Those kids? just finished potty training. They are not "computer savvy." In fact, they aren't even "toilet savvy," because they still need help with the toilet paper and almost never, ever flush. Still, those people on Madison Avenue think it's so cute that you have a Barney game your three year-old can use, so long as only a mouse is needed, so they try to sell you products that are supposed to be "smart" like your genius mouse-using kid. If you have kids, this will be no secret, but for the rest of you, listen up. A monkey can use a mouse. Yep. Pointing and clicking does not a genius make. Show me one of these supposedly computer savvy children and I'll show you a kid who can press enter and respond to simple voice prompts. Usually, when I tell one of my kids they can play a game on cartoonnetwork.com , I don't even make it three steps before they yell, "Daa-aad, c'mere!" Which usually means they have locked up my computer and accidentally invited a whole bunch of worms and viruses into the house. We make a big fuss about our kids because we want other people to be as impressed with our offspring as we (sometimes) are, but be realistic. Kids don't really know what they're doing on the internet, or on your system. They can blow up your machine by simply playing solitaire, they don't even need the world wide web to do it. They just say, "Dad, can you set up blah blah blah for me, I know how to do the rest," and the next thing you know, a guy like me is ringing the doorbell saying, "Hi, you called my business? Something about a bad motherboard?" Monitor your child, and don't just oversee their usage of the big, bad internet, but also teach them the general mechanics of the machine. Rule of thumb is, if they have to call you more than twice in 10 seconds to figure something out, they're too young. I know, I know, I must be talking about everyone's child but yours. After all, your kid can use a mouse! Heck, he'll probably be dreaming in lines of code by the time he's five, like he was born in The Matrix, or something. But ask yourself this. Sure, Jimmy can point and click, but can he check the device drivers if there's a problem? No? Well...probably not a genius then. He's not "spoon boy." Watch him. Then go to the phone book and look up my number. Have a boot disk ready for me when I get there.

The President's New Cabinet

2007-05-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I'm having a tough time deciding who to back in the 2008 presidential election. Sure, Sam Brownback seems conservative, but I don't agree with his opinions on Iraq. Rudy Giulliani is tough on crime and says he'll reverse Roe Versus Wade, but can I believe him? John McCaine is a winner in Iraq, but Immigration is a weakness. And Newt? Well, sure, he's the anti-Hillary, but will he run? What if we had other options? Here's the Dream Team. Christopher Walkin for president, you know, I mean if he were the character he played in True Romance. James Woods from the TV show Shark could be his running mate. Think of Sabastian Stark with an army to command. Yeah...there's a guy who gets things done. Sure, with Jack Bauer from 24 as Secretary of Defense, they'd be unstoppable. Let's see...Secretary of State...how about Hugh Laurie from House? Sure, his methods are unorthodox, and he may not tell you exactly what you want to hear, but he finds the cure evey week, right? The guy's brilliant. Attorney General? That broad from Close To Home. Good lawyer, her. Now you need a cabinet. It's a no-brainer. Goodfellas. If I wanted a job done, and I mean done, I'd call Joe Pecci and Robert DeNiro. We might have some loyalty issues with Ray Liota, but maybe ole' Sorvino can keep him in line...or should I say, "lines." I just love the idea of Robert DeNiro on Fox News saying, "Yo, Ahmedinajad! You talkin' to me?" Or Joe Pecci turning to Rosie O'Donnell on The View and saying, "So..what, you think I'm funny?" Oh, yeah, and we could get Bruce Willis as his character from The Siege to head up central command in Iraq! I know, I know, they're just actors portraying parts. I just hope that the current candidates aren't.

Knock It Off, Already!

2007-05-02T23:06:00.000-05:00

Hey, you anarchist, where ever you are out there, whomever you are....knock it off. I'm serious. Stop causing trouble, all you're doing is filling my e-mail with junk. These stupid chain letters are driving me crazy and making people paranoid. If you want to run Exxon or ConEd out of business, do it the old fashioned way. You almost had us with the George Carlin thing. The black out "sat photos" would be convincing, if your time frame had any continuity. But you've tried the "gas-out" thing before, and we're starting to get hip to you. Get a grip. Capitalism works. Look, anyone who reads this, please, I know my readership isn't large, but if you found me, you can hear me. Stop spreading this stuff around. It is useless misinformation, and the author's intent is to cause enough havoc to satisfy his or her own ego. The threat of a "gas-out" sounds like a call to the common man, but do you know how many thousands of American jobs will be effected if you fall for it? And you, you commie swine, the person that writes this drivel and passes it around as fact, have you considered the "common man" who works for Consolidated Edison or Exxon Mobil? What will happen when "millions of Americans" buy into this crap and stop buying fuel on the dates you suggest? If no one buys fuel, no one gets paid. If no one gets paid, then who is going to work the pump when you need to get somewhere, or answer the phone when you have a tech question that will help you pirate more movies from Singapore? Even your criminal efforts are capital-driven, so stop being so smug and just quit. We get it. You're clever. But so are we. I will make it my mission in life, after the global warming hoax, that is, to expose you as a fraud, so you keep sending, and I'll keep educating. For those of you who fall prey to this sort of thing, I can say only this: Google is good for more than just finding pics of Jennifer Love Hewitt in just her bra. Do the research.